JJ's Journal
by mabelreid
Summary: JJ keeps a journal... beginning with the pilot. We see her impressions on the team with special look at our hot young genius and how she really feels about him.
1. Extreme Aggresor

_**A/n hey all... This is an idea I've had for a long time. This will be written as journal or diary entries from JJ. It's going to be her thoughts on the team and cases, with empahsis on a certain young genius. This may get AU when Will comes into the picture. I'm not sure yet. This begins with "Extreme Agressor," and I hope to catch up to the present soon. Also I'm filling in some of JJ's backstory and why she wasn't with them in Seattle during the pilot. It's all guess work so be kind! **_

_**Disclaimer: Please see my profile**_

_**Warning: There will be fluffiness and romance and probably some angst. Turn back now if you don't like that sort of thing.**_

**_Extreme Agressor_**

I don't know how to get this started… I don't like "Dear Diary…" It makes me feel like a fifteen year old girl. I'm not fifteen for God's sake. I'm twenty five years old, and a media liaison for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico.

I didn't want to keep this journal, as I'm going to call it, but Dr. Jansen said that it would help. It's been six months since we lost most of the team in the bombing in Boston. Gideon is teaching. I saw him last week and he barely said hello. Hotch told me that he's still healing from his decision to send those six agents into the building. I can't imagine how he must feel.

It's been strange having Aaron Hotchner as the boss. He never smiles. Okay… I have seen him smile when he thinks no one notices and he's talking to Haley. She's his wife and she's going to have a baby in a few weeks. He's very strict about protocol and the rules, but he's got a lot of compassion under that stern exterior that he shows when it's warranted.

Derek Morgan wasn't in Boston. His sister was in a car accident the day before and he flew to Chicago to be with his family. She wasn't seriously hurt thank God, but I think he feels guilty that he wasn't with the team. I'm glad he wasn't there. I like Derek even though his goal in life seems to be to seduce all the female recruits in every new class. He has a good heart.

Spencer Reid has been with the team for three years. I remember the day I started with this unit a year and a half ago. Hotch introduced us and Spence blushed so red I thought his head might burst into flame. He went off on some obscure statistic having to do with - well I don't remember what he was talking about. I'm sort of used to it now. He's so young and very cute. He doesn't realize how cute he is. I see lots of the female agents looking at him. It's strange… I also find myself grinding my teeth whenever someone looks twice at him. It's very strange!

Penelope Garcia is our technical analyst. She's the best hacker in the world, according to Morgan, and I agree. They've been flirting with each other for the past year, ever since he met her and called her Gomez instead of Garcia. I wonder if he's ever going to see that Garcia is head over heels in love with him and that he likes her too. Probably not, they both seem to be very clueless when it comes to the other.

The team all went Seattle today. They didn't need me to go with them this time, so I'm in my office doing paper work. I wonder how Gideon is doing his first case back in the field. I wonder if he and Hotch are getting along. I wonder if Morgan has forgiven him yet for Boston. I wonder if Reid is okay.

Reid was supposed to go to Boston too, but his mother got sick and he had to go home. He never talks about her. I wonder why… I wonder why we've never seen a picture of her. He never mentions his dad either. I think there is something wrong, but as much as I want to ask, I don't pry. It's none of my business anyway.

I wonder what his mom is like. I wonder if she's smart like him. I bet she's beautiful and has pretty eyes like him. Wait… why am I talking about Reid's eyes? I'm not going to talk about his eyes. He's too shy anyway. I'm not going to think about his eyes!

Okay… it really is time to go home. I'm sure that I'll find out how the case is going tomorrow. There's nothing to be afraid of, right. The team can take care of itself. I hope Spence… I mean I hope Reid is okay. Why do I call him that again? Till tomorrow!


	2. Compulsion

_**A/n hello all... I'm glad you all liked the first entry in JJ's diary. Here is the second entry. Thank for your reviews and adding this story to your alerts and favorites. Please feel free to make suggestions or any corrections to cannon. I'm going back and watching the first season to get things as correct as possible, but I might miss something. I want to know about it if I do. It will help to make this 'diary' more authentic. Feed back is a gift!**_

_**Disclaimer: See my profile**_

_**Compulsion **_

Hey,

It's been a strange couple of weeks. Gideon is back to work. He came back with a bang, literally. The case in Seattle ended with Gideon and our new Agent Elle Greenaway in a standoff with a Timothy Vogel.

Gideon goaded the guy into shooting him and they were able to save the girl. There were two killers this time. Hotch said that one was the bully and made the other one feel like he owed the first one. I can't imagine a time that anyone could convince another person to kill or kidnap for them as payback. But, I've seen other case files and I know it happens.

Anyway… the team went to Tempe Arizona to find a serial arsonist at a college. I met Elle just before they looked at the video of one of the fires. It was terrible to watch a young man get killed like that. Elle is very gung-ho about her job. I heard her talking to Morgan about why the Foot Path killer stuttered. She really wants to figure it out.

Speaking of the Foot Path killer, Gideon was the one to bring him down. I still can't believe that he just pulled into convenience store and found this guy behind the counter. He says he saw the pieces of the profile right there, but I wonder if that was all there was to it.

He had a shotgun at his back and he still managed to get the gun away from this guy and bring him in. I guess this means that he's back for good. I'm glad! I think he's the one that keeps us all together.

I wonder if Elle will fit in. She's a great agent and I know Seattle put up a fit when she wanted to come to the BAU. I just hope that this job doesn't get to her like it can get to the guys sometimes.

The case in Tempe was another strange ending. The arsonist was female. She survived a fire as a kid and her mother turned it into a religious miracle. I feel sorry for this girl. Reid said that her problem was severe OCD. He is very cute when he goes off on explaining complicated medical and psychological terms. I try to act like I don't care, but it's sort of calming to listen to him talk about it.

Gideon loves hotlines and my job was to help Garcia with the one we set up for this case. Do you know how many crazy people call those numbers just to get attention? Garcia said they desperately need to get lives and I have to agree with her. At least we got the suspect on the line and they were able to find her.

Hotch had to shoot this girl in the leg to stop her. I think that hurt him because Reid said that she couldn't be reasoned with. He told me that she wasn't capable of resisting the urge to set the fire. I wonder if that's true too. I hope it's not. I don't like to think of losing control like that.

Morgan said that Gideon tried to save a college professor that was killed by this girl. He said that he thinks Gideon needs more time on medical leave. I think Gideon is fine. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Anyway the Director thinks that because of what Gideon did to get the Foot Path killer, it makes him fit for full duty. I don't think its Agent Morgan's place to question that.

Well… I have a date tonight. His name is Richard and he's a friend of Suzanne in counterterrorism. She says he's good looking and smart. She says he's got a lot of money and his own home. If he does, I wonder why he isn't married yet. I guess I'm about to find out.


	3. Won't get fooled again

_**A/n hey all... here's the next entry. Thanks to all who continue to follow this "diary," you're all great.**_

_**Disclaimer: See my profile**_

_**Won't get fooled again. **_

I am so tired. We went to Florida for a bomber case. Yeah… we had to deal with another bomber and Gideon's only been back a few weeks.

Morgan stayed at Quantico to try and put the bomb fragments together. Hotch said with his ATF background he was the best one to handle it, but I wonder… He's been walking on egg shells around Gideon for the last month. I wonder how long it will be before he trusts Gideon again.

When the case came across my desk, there were two victims. Part of my job was to keep my eye on the news and let the rest of the team know if something changes. I couldn't believe it when another bomb went off on national television. I take that back… I guess I can believe it after September 11th. It's sad. I don't want bombs to go off here, or planes flying into buildings.

Anyway, I found out something interesting about Hotch today. He was telling Elle and me that he was a coin collector as a kid. Now I don't see Hotch as someone that makes others laugh, but his comment about being a bit of a nerd as a kid nearly made me laugh out loud.

Speaking of coins, the bomber, David Walker was a documents forger. Can you believe he killed all those people to get to one little old lady? I ask you again, what is wrong with people?

He sent a bomb to a family. The little girl that picked it up off the porch was nearly killed. What a creep. Hotch said that the mother saw the new conference I did about the packaging and blue lettering. It was nice to know that a press conference did some good.

So Walker was forging Adrian Bale's bombs. It was just - I don't know how to describe it - strange. Imagine the team going after an Adrian Bale groupie. This guy was a real piece of work too. He ran down his wife and Elle was almost run down too. Then he almost blew up Hotch and Elle and the agents that tried to negotiate with him. Thank God Gideon figured out what he was doing.

Adrian Bale made Gideon apologize for getting those agents killed in Boston, before he would help get a bomb disarmed that Walker put around this poor man's neck. Then, after Gideon basically humiliates himself, the guy lies about which wire to cut. They don't call Gideon the best for nothing though. He saw through Adrian Bale and saved the guy.

Gideon looked really happy when I saw him after they took Adrian Bale back to jail. I don't know what Adrian might have said, or what went on, but he looked back to his old self.

Well… enough about work. I got a call from Aunt Gina today. She wants me to come home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. I guess she thinks if she calls in October, Hotch or Gideon will have to okay it. Why can't I make her understand that I can't plan that far in advance with our job?

Oh yeah… I suppose your wondering how my date with Richard from counterterrorism went. Let's just say there's a reason he's still single and leave it at that!


	4. Plain Sight

_**A/n hey all... here's the next entry in the diary. Please remember that this is one authors perception or interpretation of the events of the episode. **_

_**Disclaimer: See my profile please.**_

_**Plain Sight**_

The last couple of days have been really weird to say the least. We had a case with a rapist murderer who just wanted to be famous like Bundy or Jack the Ripper. I'm going to say it once again. What is the matter with people? What about the victims? Don't they get to have a voice too?

Okay… I'll stop obsessing and get on with what's really bugging me. I did something that I thought would never do. I never thought that Dr. Spencer Reid would ask me out. I never thought that I would say yes. How could I have said yes? How could I have said it without even thinking? It was like I looked in those eyes and couldn't say no. It's just weird!

Alright, I need to start at the beginning so that you understand. If you do understand, let me know how so that I can understand.

It was Reid's birthday party. Morgan roped me into getting a cake and putting on a little party for him. I didn't know what kind of cake he liked, so I went with chocolate. Everything was going really well until Morgan decided to switch out the candles with trick candles as soon as I turned my back. I realized what happened when Reid tried to blow them out and they came back on. I tried to tell him, but he just kept trying to blow them out. Morgan made some remark about me being Reid's mother. Elle thought it was funny and I wanted to smack both of them. I'm not his mother. Why do people think that? I don't act like his mother, do I?

Then Reid got up from his desk and went over to Gideon before I could cut him a piece of cake. He looked kind of freaked out, and I don't know why. Anyway I said something like "First piece for the birthday boy Spence…"

He said something to Gideon that I didn't hear and he looked a bit pink cheeked. He embarrasses so easily, it's kind of cute.

Anyway… a case interrupted as it always does, and we ended up in San Diego. I find it really interesting to hear what the team has to say about the un-sub. They have so much knowledge. I know my job is very important, but sometimes I wish I had more knowledge to sway my decision when I have to pick a case for them.

The plane ride was very interesting, and I have to admit that I might have to take back what I said about enjoying Reid's endless fountain of knowledge. This unsub was leaving messages on the mirrors of his victims and Reid had the "ballad with death," memorized. He said you should see what comes in when you type death into a search engine. Now that is just creepy. Okay… so I came home and typed it in just to see what would happen and he's right. Still, I told him that it was creepy and he went off on some tangent about how death was a popular literary and artistic theme in the Renaissance. Who cares? It's still creepy. He agreed with me after I just stared at him. Sometimes I wonder why he thinks the way he does. Not that the way he thinks is bad, it just, different and strange.

I got to do what I like to call a "teaser press conference." That means I get to lie, or stretch the truth about a un-sub, or an arrest to make the killer or suspect mad so that they call in.

Garcia was her usual confident self when I called her for a trace. But after the guy called in and yelled at us, she couldn't trace the call. She was really put out by that. It was kind of funny. It was all okay though. He turned out to be a phone repair guy if you can believe that. Gideon saved the last victim's life and talked the killer out of hurting her and giving up. Then I had to give him his five minutes of fame. I tell you it isn't right. Who remembers the victims?

One thing I know for sure is that I'm not going to look at the cable guy, or the phone repair guys the same way again.

So here we are at the date. Reid and Gideon play chess every time we come back form a case if it isn't very late. I was sitting in the back near Hotch and Morgan looking at a file when Reid came back to sit next to me. He looked very cute and nervous about something. He said that he'd heard that I was a football fan and showed me the tickets that Gideon had given him for his birthday. They were for the Redskins game in the VIP box. He asked me if I wanted to go to the game with him. I think I just stared at him for a long time because honestly I never expected those words to come out of his mouth. I could see Morgan smirking out of the corner of my eyes and I thought I better say something. It was hard to get the words out especially because I wanted to say no at first.

It's not that I don't like him… I just never thought he would ask me out. Then I thought, why not, he's becoming a good friend and I wouldn't have to worry about him trying to get me into his bed the whole date. So I said yes and I think Morgan was floored, but he didn't say anything, even though I'm sure he wanted to.

Hotch said later on that Reid had actually beat Gideon at chess. I'm sure that's the first and only time he'll do it. Gideon may not be a genius, but he knows how to play chess better than anyone I've seen.

Okay… so I agreed to go out with Reid. Wow… I think maybe I shouldn't have said yes. What if he chickens out? What if we have a really good time and get along really well? What if we don't get along and it ruins our friendship. I don't want that! What have I done!


	5. Broken Mirror

_**A/n hey all... here's the next entry in JJ's Journal. Remember... this is after the infamous date, which no one really knows what actually happened. So I'm making it up as I go along and trying to remain true to the characters and the show. I look forward to any and all feedback. Speaking of reviews, thanks to you all for your kinds reviews thus far!**_

_**Disclaimer: See my profile**_

_**Broken Mirror**_

I know that I haven't talked about the "date," yet. There really isn't that much to tell. We went to the game on Sunday and it was nice. It was better than I thought it would be. There's really not that much to tell. Oh… I already said that, didn't I? Dr. Jansen said that repeating yourself is a sign of low blood sugar. So I'll just leave this journal right here and go get something to eat.

I'm back… I walked away and I tried to go get dinner. Then I found my way back here. I'm hungry, but I can't seem to concentrate on cooking which is weird for me.

The team had a very interesting case this week. They went to Connecticut to help find a young woman that had been kidnapped. The interesting thing was that she had an identical twin sister. Elle told me that they were something called mirror twins, which meant one of them had organs on the wrong side of the body, or something.

Anyway, Elle said that the kidnapper, who turned out to be a FBI agent was in love with both the girls and wanted to kidnap both of them for some sick fantasy. She told me what he said about all the people on the team.

She told me that he said that Spence was like borderline autistic or something like that. Elle seemed to think the guy was crazy, but I don't know. I've never known anyone with autism, so I don't know what that's supposed to look like.

Spence told me that Elle was the one that got the kidnapper to tell her where the second twin was after she kicked his butt at the safe house. He was really curious to know how she did it. I didn't tell him that Elle explained to me what she did.

Spence kissed me… Did I tell you that? Well… not on the lips, but on the cheek. It was very sweet… Like a first date in high school.

I wonder if Morgan was right when he accused Spence of not being able to get a date. Spence was really nice, and a gentleman and he didn't try anything. He talked my ear off from the minute we got into an ancient Volvo that he drives. He insisted on picking me up at my house. He said that was what a man was supposed to do on a date.

It was kind of refreshing to be treated special, and like I'm a person instead of a pretty flower, or party favor like most guys.

Did you know he knows all about football? He knows all the statistics and stuff. In spite of all the stuff from books, I had to explain a lot of what was going on between the teams. He seemed to like it. Did you know his eyes get really big and shiny when he's excited about something?

So… are we going to live happily every after and have babies? Not exactly… after he kissed me on the cheek at my apartment, he got really red in the face and said that it was better if we didn't go out again.

I tried to make him tell me why he didn't want to go out and he just said it was better that way. He said that the date was, and I quote, "top secret," and he wouldn't tell Morgan anything about it. He said it was ok if were just friends and then he left.

I'm not upset! He's right… It's better to be just friends and not ruin the working relationship that we have. We can still be friends! Men and women can be friends if they want to, right.

I'm going back home for the weekend. We don't have any pressing cases and I don't feel like hanging around here. I don't have a date and for once I don't care. I want to spend time with my aunt and uncle and my cousins. I'm sure going to visit will help me figure out why I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm sure that spending time with the family is just the thing. Uncle Charlie will probably use my visit as an excuse to barbecue a whole side of beef. That sounds good to me. After two days with them, I'll definitely want to come back here and face the murderers, and rapists, and arsonists. I know… who would want my chosen line of work? I do… I love it! Don't tell me I need to have my head examined. I've already been through therapy.

I'm going to call my aunt and get something to eat. I'm not going to think about a certain pair of brown eyes, or how sad they looked when he said it was better if we stay friends.


	6. LDSK

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**_L.D.S.K_**

I'm back from my visit to my home town. It was good to get away for awhile and see my family. Aunt Gina wanted to know everything about my so called love life. Uncle Charlie wanted to hear all about work and the team. He really likes Hotch even though he's never met him. Anytime I talk to him, Uncle Charlie wants to hear about the latest bad guy Hotch has caught, using what Uncle Charlie calls "that profiling nonsense." I have to remind him that it's not just Hotch, it's the whole team. Uncle Charlie thinks that profiling is a step away from witchcraft, and if the team isn't careful, they might get burned at the stake by some throwback to the seventeenth century. I keep telling him that it isn't hocus-pocus, and that it's based on psychology and precedent. He just smiles at me.

My aunt wanted to know if I have a new boyfriend. I didn't want to tell her about the dating woes I've been having. I certainly wasn't going to tell about going out with Reid. She knows about him because of all the talking I do about the team, but she doesn't know about the date and I want to keep it that way. I can't stand to hear her ask me why I chased off another man. Does she think I do it on purpose? I'm just looking for the right one!

Anyway we had the barbecue like I said we would, even though it's nearly November. My Aunt wanted to know if I'm coming back for Thanksgiving and I had to tell her for the fifth time in a week that I couldn't guarantee that I could come back home. She just doesn't want to face the reality of the job. I wish she'd understand how important it is to me. She says she does, but she doesn't want me to get hurt running all over the country with "those profilers," as she puts it.

The day after I got back from my visit we got a case in Des Plaines, Illinois. Hotch called the killer an LDSK or Long Distance Serial Killer. This guy was wounding the people he shot, instead of killing them. One of the victims did die and they had to take a bullet out of one other victim. Hotch said that no LDSK had ever been caught with a profile, and I think that made us all wonder if we were going to find this guy.

I overheard Morgan and Elle talking about Reid failing his firearms certification. Morgan gave Reid a whistle in case he needed help and I thought that was a little insensitive. Not everyone is a good shot that's in the FBI. I think Reid takes too much to heart though and tries too hard to be like Hotch or Morgan. I guess we don't help him be himself when we tease him so much.

We got to Illinois, and were working with the police to try and figure out how the un-sub was shooting without being seen. Gideon and Hotch decided that we should go back to the last crime scene and try to figure it out. All we did was get a police officer killed. I still can't believe that we were out in plain sight and the guy just executed a police officer. I mean, one minute I'm walking and talking to Gideon, and the next he's pushing me down on the ground. I know that things can be dangerous in the field, but my heart was pounding so hard at the moment. I thought I was going to pass out.

The team was pretty depressed after that. None of us want to see a fellow law enforcement officer get killed like Scott McCarty. It made me realize what could happen at anytime. There were several more people hurt that same day before Garcia got the geographic profile nailed down. Gideon and Hotch were the first ones to realize that the guy worked in a hospital.

We thought it might be the doctor that took the bullet out of one patient's back. He's the most arrogant jackass I've ever met in my life. It didn't surprise me that the guy drives a two seat Maserati. I've dated guys like that. Notice I say that in the past tense. It never lasts for obvious reasons.

Anyway, it wasn't that guy; it turned out to be an orderly named Philip Dowd. He held the ER hostage along with Spence and Hotch. That was the most nerve wracking part of the day. I was really worried about both of them. The SWAT commander wanted to send his guys in and Gideon was trying to talk him out of it. I thought for a couple of minutes that Hotch and Spence were going to be killed in the crossfire.

It's funny the things that go through you mind when you think you're going to lose two friends. I suppose it might be like your life flashing before your eyes when you die. All I could think about was all the time spent together on the plane after a case when everyone is winding down. I kept thinking that I might have to board that plane without Hotch and Spence, and I didn't think I could take it after what happened in Boston.

But listen to me, going on like this is all about me. It's not; it's about a madman with a gun and two agents that stopped him. Reid shot him… Did you know that? I guess he doesn't have to retest for his qualifications now. They got Dowd at the last second before the SWAT team was going in and we were all so relieved. I remember the look on Gideon's face and I was glad he didn't lose Hotch and Spence. I think that would have been the end for him.

Spence looked bad when they came out of the ER. He looked like someone had beaten him pretty badly. I found out later that Hotch had to beat him in order to make their plan work to get Dowd. I know it really hurt Hotch to have to do that, despite Spence telling us that it wasn't that big of a deal.

Maybe Spence is a stronger person than I thought. I guess I should stop treating him like a human computer and more like a real person.

We all came home on the plane. No one was lost on this mission. We could have lost two though, and I think we all realized that in one single moment.

Well… it's late. I'm tired and I have to get up early and get going on the next case. If I can't get time off for Thanksgiving, maybe I'll make it Christmas. Everyone needs their family in this job. I wonder if Spence will go home for the holidays this year.


	7. The Fox

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**_The Fox_**

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now. There are some crazy people out there. Working with the team has taught me some important things about human behavior, but I still don't understand some people.

We had a case involving whole families. At first it looked like murder-suicide and then a second family was killed. They were all supposed to be on vacation, which is why no one missed them for five days.

We thought that the perpetrator was the ex-husband of one of the women. He was abusive, which is why she left him. He was caught by the police with blood on his clothes that turned out to be from his kids.

I know it's not funny, but you should have seen the look on Spence's face when Gideon told him to talk to this guy. It was all I could do not to laugh. He looked like he'd been sentenced to the firing squad. I don't blame him. Elle told me about this guy and he was really big. Elle said that for a minute it was like David and Goliath in the interrogation room. She seemed pretty impressed that Spence was able to get him to talk.

I'm not surprised… He may bore everyone with some of the obscure facts he knows, but I know Spence could probably charm the birds out of the trees if he wanted to. I mean all you have to do is look into those eyes and…

Okay… so how did I get from the case to Spence's eyes. Didn't we make a bargain that I wasn't going to think about them?

Anyway… it turned out that the person responsible was a family therapist that thought he was punishing fathers for not being strong heads of family. He killed the kids first, and then the wives, and then the husbands. He made the fathers watch the rest of their family die. Sadistic little creep!

I have to give Gideon credit. He played the little bug like a bad violin. He told me to put up some of the crime scene photos, and to arrange them so that some of the photos from one family were mixed up with the other family.

I couldn't help from crying a little at the sight of those small little feet. How can anyone be so heartless and cruel? It's no wonder his family left him. It must have been hell to live with him.

He came in and he had the nerve to act like an arrested rock star. He tried to flirt with me and it made me sick. Gideon was right though, he couldn't stand to see the crime scene photos mixed up and he confessed.

I thought that was the worst of it till Hotch found the box with all those wedding bands. He killed eight different families. I'm just glad the team saved the last family.

I wanted a shower in the worst way when it was all over and I think everyone else felt the same way. It was terrible to see those gold bands just lying there on the conference table. I'm lucky though, I can shut out the picture in my head if I want. I guess Spence has to remember it whether he wants to or not. I never thought of that before. How awful to not be able to shut out the things you've seen, no matter how wonderful or abhorrent.

Oh… I almost forgot. Mrs. Hotchner brought the baby in today. He was so cute! Hotch actually smiled. Spence said something about "if you find baldness and wrinkles attractive," why does he have to be so literal all the time? Can't he just see that babies are cute no matter how old they are? I bet it would be different if he was the father. Wow… okay, I'm going to that scary place again! Garcia asked Morgan if he wanted a child and he said he'd stick to practicing. I wonder if he'll ever see that she's head over heels for him.

Jackie called me today. She and Angela are going to be here this weekend. She wants to get together for lunch. I think I'll take them up on it. It will be good to see old teammates from college again. It's just what I need to take my mind off this case.


	8. Natural Born Killer

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_**Natural Born Killer**_

It was great to have college friends into town over the weekend. We spent the day at a shopping mall in Arlington on Sunday. I had thought that it would be a good way to forget about our last case, but it was harder than I thought to stop thinking about those families, and what they must have gone through.

Anyway, Angela is getting married to a doctor that practices out of Baltimore. I'm very excited to have her closer to where I live. I hope that means we'll be able to see each other more often. She seems very happy to me. She said that his name is Curtis Parker and he's in the middle of his residency at Sister's of Mercy Hospital. She says he's very good looking and smart. Not a genius like Spence, but then no one is as smart as Spence.

Jackie finally got the coaching job she wanted at the High School in Ohio where she lives. She's still as hardcore about soccer as I used to be. It was good to see her, but sometimes she makes me feel like a traitor for not following in her footsteps and becoming a coach. Yeah… it would have been nice, but I love my job with the FBI.

We had a really bad case this week. It was even worse than the last one. I think it was hardest on Hotch. I'm not sure what went on between him and the killer in the interrogation room. I only know that he looked more upset than I've ever seen and that was weird. I never thought I'd ever see Hotch show any emotion.

But, I'm getting things backwards. It all began with what looked like a mob hit in Baltimore, with serious overkill. Unfortunately, the man that was seen at the house where the family was killed turned out of to an undercover federal agent.

When Baltimore found out we were looking into it, they sent agents up to "talk." to Hotch and Gideon about taking over the case. I had the honor of greeting them. Yeah that was fun… Gideon told them they would turn over the case, and then he went right back to work with the team. It made me laugh.

I heard that Hotch wasn't laughing when one of the agents showed up and just barged into his office after we determined that the suspect was an undercover. If I were that agent, I'd be counting my lucky stars that Hotch hadn't ripped my head off.

Anyway, we determined that this killer was a hired gun that liked his job just a little too much. He killed hundreds of people over a fifteen year period. I felt sorry for Garcia having to post all the photos up this time. I can relate to how horrible it is to look at what these bastards are capable of doing.

Did I say he tortured his victims with rats and that's how we found Jimmy, the undercover agent? Elle said it was like something out of a Poe story. The good news is that he's going to make it and go back to his family. Yeah… the guy had a family.

Right now I am really happy that I don't have a husband and kids. I wouldn't ever want to make them go through something like that. I can't really imagine meeting someone and getting married anytime soon. I'm just too busy right now.

Angela is staying here for another week so that she can finalize getting moved to Baltimore for her wedding. Jackie had to go home. I'm glad… We aren't as close as Angela and I. I think that maybe I'll call Angela and see if she's up for several drinks with me tonight.

I wonder if going home to his family makes things better for Hotch. I hope it does, but I have to wonder.


	9. Derailed

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_**Derailed**_

It seems very trite to talk about everyday things like the fact that my cousin Mark got accepted to medical school for next year, or that my aunt Gina fell and twisted her ankle trying to help my uncle move a dresser in the guest room. She's going to be okay, and I'm very happy for Mark, but I just can't think of that right now.

We had a bad one at work today. Of course, when I got to my office, the teetering pile of files reminded me that I had another ten hour day of paperwork ahead of me, unless we got a case.

I went looking for Elle, and Hotch told me that she was in Texas doing a custodial for a child murder. I was surprised that he sent her on her own and I told him so. He looked at me like I was out of line for asking, but I've never been afraid of asking the tough questions. He said that she could handle it and I went back to my office.

We got the call that a train had been taken hostage in Texas and honestly I never made the connection till the team was listening to Spence talk about the un-sub, and something called "Tardive Dyskinesia." I think it had something to do with facial ticks or something. Anyway, Gideon came into the conference room and took one look at the screen. I haven't seen him look that upset since we lost the agents in Boston. He was the one that pointed out to us that Elle was on the train.

I think everyone was in a state of shock, because no one talked on the plane. It was like we all lost our voices till we were on the road. The locals told me over the phone how the un-sub was asking for a "higher authority." Gideon was the one that told us to go in with our lights on, and sirens flashing, and to ignore the train. Have you ever noticed that when someone tells you not to do something, like don't look over there or when your mother said don't stare at the girl in the wheelchair, it just makes you want to do it more? Maybe it's just me that happens to, but when Gideon said that, I had the hardest time not looking at the train.

Did I say that I was sitting next to Spence in the truck and it was very distracting. I really don't know why. I guess it doesn't matter, I can still do my job, even if we're jammed up together in the truck. After all he's the one that said he just wants to be friends. I can do it if he can. No problem.

Spence distracted me from the train and the thought of my good friend in danger, by talking to one of the officers there about how many different delusions a paranoid psychotic can have. He was telling him that some movie that was made about a guy who thought he was getting messages by aliens wasn't true to the real story, when Morgan said we didn't need a movie review. It was enough to get my mind off of Elle for a minute.

Morgan and Garcia came up with names for all the passengers. We had to work fast because when Gideon spoke to the un-sub; he was demanding that the higher power take something out of him. We had no idea what he was talking about and only had an hour to figure it out.

Then we found out that there was a psychiatrist, Dr. Linda Deaton on the train with one of her patients, a Dr. Theodore Bryer. He worked for the government in the eighties and Gideon said that was probably where he developed his delusions of persecution. I looked it up and he wrote all of this stuff on M theory that made zero sense to me. I'll bet that Spence could read and understand with no problem.

Gideon went through the names of the rest of the passengers to see who was going to be a problem. The strange thing was that the man he said didn't take risks, was the one that had a gun in his possession and ended up shooting Dr. Bryer.

I'm getting ahead of myself again. Dr. Deaton was the one that helped us figure out that he thought there was a micro chip imbedded in his arm. He had scars all over it from where he tried to dig it out. I can't imagine being so desperate that I would cut into my own body for something. I guess he must have been really frightened.

None of us were very happy when Spence decided that he could fool Dr. Bryer with sleight of hand. I know that he's really good with magic tricks, but this was his life. Morgan told him no way and I think it sort of pissed Spence off. Morgan only wanted to protect him, but I don't think Spence really saw it that way. He talked Hotch and Gideon into letting him try to con Dr Bryer, after explaining to Morgan that there was no way he could teach him the trick in forty minutes.

He kept dropping the micro chip while practicing and Gideon was ready to call it off when he finally made it work. Gideon told him in no uncertain terms to get on, take out the chip and get off the train. Spence said he would and I guess we were all looking at him like he was going to die because he said

"Can at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?"

Personally, I wasn't looking at him any special way. I have complete trust in his abilities. It must have been the others that looked scared for him. I certainly wasn't at all. Okay…

So long story short, he got on the train took off the vest he was wearing despite Morgan telling him not to and took out the chip. Of course something went wrong, it always goes wrong, and Spence ended up talking to the psycho for a long time. Everyone else, especially Gideon, was very freaked out when Spence didn't do what he was told. I was fine… I had no fears for him at all… I know he can take care of himself. Look at what happened with Philip Dowd. See… it's no problem. Alright… So I can see why Gideon was upset. An agent has to obey orders for the safety of everyone. It has nothing to do with me being all concerned. It's not like we're dating or anything. We're friends and that's all!

Spence and a passenger along with Elle saved the day when the passenger called Harold shot Dr Bryer. Spence was wrestling for the gun and Elle grabbed the second one he had in his waistband. Did I forget to mention that not only was the guy a psycho, he was a psycho with two guns?

Anyway… it's all over now and everyone is okay. Elle was a little banged up and Dr. Deaton was shot, but she's going to be okay. Spence was okay too. I told you he would be okay. I wasn't afraid at all!

I'm going to go call my aunt Gina… Suddenly, I feel like talking to family.


	10. The Popular Kids

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**_The Popular Kids_**

I just got back from a blind date my friend Susan set up for me. She's been dating an architect for a year and she thinks that I need a steady guy in my life. I love her, but she just doesn't understand that my career is really important to me. I don't see myself with anyone that doesn't understand how important my life at the FBI is to me.

The guy she fixed me up with is a medical student. His name is Henry and he's pretty cute. He's about six two, really thin with brown eyes and wavy brown hair. He's really nice and Susan said he didn't even blink when she told him that I was an FBI agent.

We went to dinner and Susan boyfriend wanted to try a new club in DC, called "Fly." It was a very small and intimate, with a jazz band, and a bar that served anything you could imagine in these colorful twisted glasses that looked like really large hummingbirds. They made me laugh and Henry said "I had to come to DC to drink alcohol out of a bird's ass."

It was nice to spend time with someone that makes me laugh. We're going to go out again next weekend if I don't have a case.

Speaking of cases, we ended up in Virginia two days ago. I got a call from Sheriff Bridges in McAllister. There were two bodies, a football player at the local high school, and a skeleton that was unidentified. The twist this time was Satanism. There was a pentagram painted on the tree and an anagram, "LOD," painted below it. It was right where the skeleton was found.

Gideon said there had never been a proven case of satanic ritual murder. Spence, as always, knows everything there is to know about Satanism and the "Satanic Panic." I wonder if I should be concerned at some of the things he knows. By the way, Spence looked really tired and stressed. I hope he's okay.

Besides all the facts on Satanism you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask, Spence went off on this tangent about birthday cakes. It was funny to see Sheriff Bridges looking at him like he was from another planet. I have to admit that some of the things he says make me want to roll around laughing even if I don't show it. The comic relief makes this job bearable.

I didn't think things could get worse till we found out that the football player's girlfriend, Cherish, was missing. The woods were way too thick and confusing to search so the Sheriff called in help from the State Police. I got the task of convincing him to let the townspeople help. Gideon wanted to profile the townsfolk because there was no way an outsider could come into those woods and not get lost.

As always, Garcia is good for a laugh. We ran the names of the people that came to help and most of them were normal, upper middle class townsfolk that want a good place to raise kids. We found one guy that owns shoes stores, but he was married. As Garcia says, "Story of my life… Sunshine."

I was a bit worried for Elle because one of her searchers did time for assault, but she was okay and she found a note and some clothing that belonged to Cherish. The Sheriff's son put us on to what LOD means. It was "the Lords of Destruction," a bunch of teenagers and this older guy that was self proclaimed Satanists.

It turned out that it was the Sheriff's son that had killed Adam and Cherish. Morgan told me about how he grabbed Spence and threatened to kill him. Can we just go one week without Spence getting into trouble? I mean, he's a friend and I don't want anything to happen to him, so don't read anything into that.

Elle told me that the popular kids just watched that other hiker decompose and didn't tell anyone. It was like a game to them. What is the matter with kids today? The whole scenario makes me sick. At least I got a good nap on the plane. It was good to be out of the woods again. I get the shivers every time I go into a forest and I don't even know why.

It's been a four of days since we got back and I'm going out with Henry again tonight. He called me last night, and said that he had wanted to call me the night after we met because he missed me, but he didn't want to scare me off. I'm not scared off, as long as he gets that I'm not leaving my work behind. I hope this time he'll be different from the other guys.


	11. Blood Hungry

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_**Blood Hungry**_

Henry took me to a play last night. I had no idea that Washington DC has this little theater-in-the round just off Lexington Ave. It's in the basement level of an old red brick building that someone restored and added a restaurant. The theater reminds me of some of the off Broadway shows I went to the last time I was in New York with my friend Julie from high school. There are only one hundred seats, and they are situated so that there is a small stage in the middle of the room. Between the seats at each corner they also have a small stage so that the action moves around the room. There was one scene that took place right next to my seat. I've never seen actors up that close. I don't know how they can perform that close to an audience and stay in character.

Henry laughed when we got there and he told me it was a murder mystery. He apologized for the bus man's holiday, but I didn't mind. Of course, it was the butler "who dun it," but that was okay. It was funny. One of the actors stepped into a small garbage can on the set during one scene. I don't think that was supposed to happen, but he stayed in character despite the laughter of the audience and having to walk around with it stuck to his foot. Now I couldn't have done that…

It was a fun evening and the dinner at the restaurant afterward was delicious. Henry is so great, we talked till the restaurant closed and kicked us out. Then we took a drive down to the Potomac and walked along the bank even though it was cold and after ten o'clock. The river is beautiful with all the lights.

I think we got home after two am, but it didn't matter. It was so great just to have someone to talk to. He doesn't even care if I talk too much about my job. He talks about the hospital and it's pretty fascinating. He kissed me on the cheek before he left. We're going to go out again next weekend if I don't have a case. I can't wait…

Speaking of cases, we had a really gruesome one this week. We went to Harrington Tennessee where a man and a woman had been brutally killed. They hadn't had a homicide in sixty-four years. Gideon had to stay at Quantico. I shouldn't laugh, but he actually went sky diving and hurt his foot. So he's on crutches for awhile and couldn't go into the field. He didn't seem to be bothered by it though…

At first, the killings looked like robbery, and then it seemed as though there were two killers. Morgan and Hotch arrested a man named "Domino," who was a meth addict. They only thing Morgan, Elle and Hotch could get the guy to admit to was robbing the woman that was killed after she was dead.

We were kind of lucky, in that we had a witness. It was a seven year old boy called Wally Brisbane. He didn't see the killing, but he saw Domino. It was Wally's music teacher that was killed.

Gideon and Garcia figured out that the un-sub was a cannibal. Like I said, it was a gruesome case. The guy was taking the internal organs and blood, and putting them in containers to keep in the fridge. During the briefing for the cops so that they would know what to look for in the profile, Reid was telling the other cops about this guy that thought aliens had invaded his body, and he had to drink the blood of other people or he would die. How does he know all these disgusting facts. It helps with the job, but it's still creepy.

At the funeral for Mr. Thompson, one of the murdered people, we got another lead on a mentally ill young man that had recently come home. It turned out that it wasn't him. Then the worst thing happened, Wally disappeared after his grandmother was killed. This time the killer took her heart. Gideon was the one to figure out that this un-sub had some kind of religious delusion and thought that Wally was some kind of Messianic figure.

The killer actually brought the stomach of Annie Stewart back to her house in a plastic container, like I said, a very disgusting case. Anyway, Morgan and Elle caught the guy at a church and he was completely out of it. His mother turned out to be Mrs. Mayes, a prominent member of the community. She gave us permission to medicate him so that Hotch and Spence could talk to her son. It didn't work very well and once they left him alone, he tired to hang himself in his cell.

It turned out that his mother was covering for him and we found Wally in a shed out in the woods. The poor kid was terrified, but he's going to be okay. I know that she loved her son, but how could she cover up a kidnapping like that?

Morgan was telling me after we got back, that Garcia was really mad at Hotch for leaving her alone with Gideon. I don't understand what could be so bad about that. I guess I'll have to ask her what happened.

At least Spence didn't get into trouble this time. I hope that's a good sign of a new trend. Maybe I should make a list like Gideon, only I think I'll skip the skydiving. I wonder what Spence would put on his list if he made one.

_**A/n I went to a theater, like the one mentioned in the story, with a friend of mine in Baltimore years ago. It was neat to have performance that close to where you're sitting. **_


	12. What Fresh Hell?

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**_What fresh Hell?_**

I'm furious… I just can't believe that he did that… What is the matter with him? Okay… I'll start at the beginning. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't just talk about work, but the last few days were awful.

We got a request for help with a missing girl. It felt like we were playing catch up from the minute we got the case. We didn't get called in till twenty hours after she went missing and we're supposed to get called in right away. Hotch wasn't happy and Spence reminded us all of the statistics for missing children her age. I've been trying lately to not get irritated by his ramblings, but hearing him say that in such an off handed way got on my nerves. How can he just recite stuff like that and not show any feelings?

We got there and did our jobs. Mine was handling the press as usual. We found out soon enough that she was lured away by a man looking for his dog. We had thought it might be her father, but he was out of town. He finally came home and it was obvious that he had no idea what had happened to his daughter.

I tried to have an actual conversation with Spence, but it must of have been the stress of the case because the only thing I could think of to say was something dumb about my friends in the press. What is wrong with me?

Anyway, I did see an old friend amongst the reporters that were surrounding Billie Copeland's home. In fact, he used to be an old boyfriend, but what I ever saw in him, I don't know.

He was all, come on JJ give me something, for old times sake. This he wants after he practically accused the FBI of a cover up with Billie. He must have thought I was as stupid and naïve as I was in college when he got me in his bed and then refused to talk to me the next day.

So I decided that a little payback was in order. I made him think I was going to whisper something important in his ear and instead I said. "You might want to rethink that tie." Well… It was an ugly tie, what can I say.

Is that the reason he turned into the jackass and did what he did? Is he still such a little boy that he had to hurt innocent parents that were terrified for their child? How could someone do that just to get revenge? I hope that wasn't why he ruined the press conference we set up.

It was a difficult case due to the fact that the parents are divorced. Then we found out that the father was having a relapse with cancer. It was so horrible for everyone. I just wanted to help as much as I could. I set it up for the parents to talk to the public about a possible witness. We thought we had a suspect, but Hotch said that they had to call him a witness or the neighbors wouldn't call in the tip line.

The press conference was going really well when my so called friend asked the parents about the body the police had found in the river. He made it sound like the body was Billie's and of course the parents freaked out. We had to stop in the middle of the press conference. I was so furious. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. The only thing I could do was tell him off. I still can't believe he did that.

Anyway… we found her, or I should say that an observant neighbor led us to him and then Gideon found her by just breaking into his house. Spence told me that it was a hell of a surprise to see Gideon just break a window without a warrant and climb inside.

He found where the guy was hiding her too. Sometimes Gideon scares me and there's no way I would ever want to get on his bad side.

It's all okay though….

Also, I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but I went to Gideon's office the morning the case began and Garcia was in there. She was all excited about the flowers Gideon sent her. Yes… your heard me right, she thought he sent her flowers. It turned out that it was Hotch that sent the flowers and put the card in Gideon's name.

We were playing poker on the plane after the case, and Reid was winning as usual. Sometimes I don't understand him. He is so smart and here he is doing this job that is so stressful when he could be making a fortune in Vegas. He says counting cards is illegal. I say he's smart enough to get away with it. Anyway I'm glad he's here. The team needs him.

So during the game Gideon asked Hotch if he sent Garcia the flowers. Hotch said yes and he told Gideon that people need to feel valued. Gideon said he already got her a MP3 player as a gift and what if she thinks he's sweet on her. I think everyone wanted to laugh, but no one did.

I went out with Henry the day after we got back and had coffee and muffins at my favorite café. He always listens and never tries to solve my problems like a lot of guys would. He's so sweet and cute. We were having a really good talk when Morgan came into the café.

I watched him flirt with the waitress and then he saw us. He got this big smile on his face, like he'd caught me doing something I shouldn't. He came over to our table and I introduced him to Henry. We talked for awhile till his date came in. He was still smiling at me when he left and I still don't know what was so funny.

Maybe I'll ask him on Monday. I'm going out with Henry again tonight. There's a new movie I've been dying to see. It's going to be a much better evening now that I've got all that out of my system. That and the thought of my friend tripping over his microphone and falling on his face in front of a really pretty girl, now that's a happy thought.


	13. Poison

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**_Poison._**

Uncle Charlie called several days ago, begging me to come home for a visit. Aunt Gina was very put out with me when I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I wish that I could make them understand how important my job is and that I can't just leave the team. I love my family so much, but I just can't pick up and go at the spur of that moment. I wish they would stop thinking that I can just because I'm single and childless.

The annual East Allegheny snowmobile rally is next weekend and my uncle wants me there to see him defend his title, because it's probably going to be the last time he can compete. The bursitis in his shoulders is getting worse with every passing year, and riding gets more and more difficult.

I wasn't going to ask for time off, but then we had a case that kind of got to me. Actually they all get to me, but I'm usually better at not letting it show.

We went to Beachwood, New Jersey because several people ended up in the hospital strung out on LSD. One of them attacked his own son and beat him almost to death. They all had enough in their systems to kill a small child. So the CDC called us because it was a poisoning.

The first clue we had was that several of the victims ate lunch at a local café. One of the kids that worked there never showed up for work. Elle checked out his girlfriend's house and found that she was dosed too. I forgot to mention that it wasn't just LSD they got; there was GHB too, which is why they couldn't remember what happened that day.

So the first thing we thought was that this kid had raped his girlfriend, but it turned out she was a victim like the rest.

Of course the press got a hold of the story despite my efforts and there was a complete panic, with all these people going to the hospital with psychosomatic symptoms. Gideon and Hotch sent Spence and I down there to try and find someone that wasn't a victim of panic.

There was a woman there that was very sick. It turned out to be botulism poisoning and they didn't have the antitoxin. We just had to watch her die. It was terrible. You should have seen the look on Spence's face. Do you think he uses obscure facts and statistics to distance himself from all the horrible things we have to deal with? Maybe I was wrong to think that he doesn't care sometimes.

The women, who turned out to be a partner to the un-sub did give us a clue that helped us catch the guy. He was a disgruntled chemist for a pharmaceutical company that wanted revenge for the company stealing his idea. He poisoned the punch at a company party to distract us. It was Spence who figured out that he was poisoning envelopes the company heads were using at a retreat. We found them in time, thank God and no one else was killed.

Hotch sat down with me on the plane. I had moved on to the next case and it was a bad one. I asked Hotch why he chose the BAU and he said it was because he wanted to catch the bad guys, not just put them in jail. I know there's more to it and he knows I know, but he said he was still trying to figure out the reason.

Now I can't bring myself to lick an envelope… I know it will pass, but I wonder how long it will be before I'm completely comfortable again.

So I went to Hotch and asked him for a couple days off to go home. He just looked up at me with his usual glower and said. "What took you so long to ask?"

How does he always know? One of these days, I'm going to figure it out and then maybe I'll be one step ahead of him for a change.

Henry called just a few minutes ago. I told him that I was going home and he said he was glad I finally decided to go, but that he would miss me. He also told me that he was happy that I would have family time, and that we would have dinner when I got back. Sometimes I wonder if he's too good to be true.


	14. Riding the Lightening

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**_Riding the Lightening_**

I'm back from East Allegheny… The snow has been piling up like crazy since before Christmas, Uncle Charlie told me. He was ecstatic about it, as this is the last year he thinks he'll be able to snowmobile with his friends and my Uncle Robert.

The rally went off as planned. The sun was actually out for most of the races. Aunt Gina, my cousin's little girls, Melanie and Stacey, and I made hot coco and sloppy Joes all afternoon for the guys. It was like a tail gate party at a Red Skins game, without the beer. The guys introduced alcohol into the party after the riding was over.

I remember a few years ago that one of the participants was riding and drinking and he had a bad accident. He was in a coma for three weeks. He's better now, but it took him months in the hospital to recover.

Henry was here waiting for me when I got back. He looked so cute in a pair of jeans and purple sweater. It made his eyes really pop. He said that he was going to have to work thirty-six hours at the hospital but after that he would be free to do anything I wanted to do.

I just hope I'm back in time for us to get together. I just got a call and I have to go into work. I hope it's not a bad one this time.

--

I'm back from Florida and I want to shower for a week… We didn't really have a case, or it didn't start out that way. It was more like a custodial interview. It was a killing team, Sarah Jean and Jacob. They'd been on death row for fifteen years and were going to the electric chair on the same night.

Then another body was found under the floor boards of Sarah Jean's mother's home. Now we had to find out if there were more victims that the two had killed.

Garcia came with us this time and she was quite freaked out to be in the prison. I can't blame her… Did I say that Jacob had a thing for girls with long blond hair? Well… it didn't matter, I dealt with the press and helped Garcia watch the recordings of the interviews. Gideon always reminds us that seventy-five percent of communication is non-verbal.

Hotch had the privilege of talking to Jacob. That man was a piece of work, and I know he pissed off Hotch by calling him Hotch instead of Agent or Agent Hotchner, like other people might. While watching Hotch talk to him, I could see that he wasn't getting anywhere with Jacob, so I decided to help.

You see… there were twelve women outside the prison protesting the execution. They had all changed their looks to resemble his victims. I know I say this all the time, but what is wrong with some people.

So I put a center part in my hair and went to talk to Hotch. He wasn't happy about my idea, but he does what he has to do and that meant letting me into the interview. Jacob reacted the way I thought he would. He was very happy to see me. He asked me who I was and I told him that my friends called me JJ.

He said, "Well hello JJ…" with a smirk that made me want to squirm, but I didn't run away.

I said, "I said my friends call me JJ, you can call me Jennifer."

He made some comment about my spirit and I just stood there, keeping eye contact. Hotch and Jacob decided to play a game of poker. If Hotch won then Jacob had to give up the location of where his son was buried. If Jacob won, he wanted to smell my hair. Hotch said no, but I said it was okay. The thought of him getting any closer to me was repugnant, but I told Hotch it was okay. It was the only way to help find their son.

Of course, Hotch managed to out bluff him. I couldn't help but wish that we were on the plane playing poker with the rest of the team. Spence would win as he always does. I wouldn't even care if he was counting cards, or whatever tricks from Vegas he always denies using on us.

We got a location, but it wasn't his son. It was another victim. I'm glad we were able to give another family closure.

The saddest part for all of us was that Sarah Jean was innocent. Gideon managed to determine that she didn't kill her son as she had confessed. Instead, she made sure he was found by a family she used to clean for. They adopted him and now he's a cello prodigy. He can play like an angel, and Sarah Jean let them execute her to save her son from being her husband's last victim. She didn't do anything wrong and she let them execute her anyway, for the love of her son.

Gideon witnessed her execution and I never want to see that look on his face again. He was devastated and I don't blame him.

I'm glad to be home. I'm going to call Henry… Maybe he had a better thirty six hours than we all did. Maybe we can go ice skating. I didn't get a chance to do that on my visit home. First, I'm going to spend a couple hours in the shower.


	15. Unfinished Business

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_**Unfinished Business**_

Well, ice skating with Henry was a bust. It started out okay. The rink wasn't too crowded and although the temps were cold, the sky was clear. I love the outdoor rinks. They remind of the pond at home. Aunt Gina sometimes let me go skating with her at night if the full moon was out and I couldn't sleep. You could always see the stars like diamonds in the black sky. There were a few stars out tonight.

Too bad I didn't get to really spend anytime with Henry. We had just been on the rink for about half an hour when he got a page from the hospital. I guess I can't be too angry with him. I get called away all the time. I guess I'm selfish, because it seems worse when you're the one that's getting left behind.

Then I woke up this morning with a nice head cold. We didn't have a case and Morgan decided he needed to pull me aside and talk. I had no idea what he wanted to talk about and was floored when he said it was about Henry.

He was asking me all kinds of questions about my boyfriend. How serious was I about him? What did I know about him and weird questions like that? I told him that it was none of his business. Morgan just looked at me and then he said that if I was serious, I should introduce him to Reid before the rest of the team got a look at Henry.

I was a little irritated to say the least. Why should I introduce Reid to Henry? What business was it of Morgan's?

Morgan said, "You really don't get it do you?"

I said, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

So he said, "I can see that…"

I said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked at me like he would a victim of one of the crimes we see and it made me mad. Then he said "You don't see the resemblance between Reid and Henry, do you?"

"They don't look anything alike." I told him.

Morgan said, "You really are blind… I'm just saying you should tell Reid before Garcia or Elle gets a look at him, or even Hotch and Gideon."

Then he just walked away. I still don't understand how he can think that Henry and Spence look alike. I'd never date someone because he looks like Spencer. Would I??

I had a lot of time to think about it and I couldn't sleep at all. It was one of those times I didn't mind getting called in the middle of the night.

An old friend of Gideon's who was a fellow profiler was in the office when we all got there. His name is Max Ryan. He recently wrote a book on the Keystone Killer. The killer had stopped killing eighteen years ago and Max was on the case. He never stopped working on it. He was at a book signing tonight when the security guard gave him a letter. It had a word search puzzle and two driver's licenses of the Keystone Killers victims in it.

So it looked like the killer was back. We had to find out why he'd been dormant for all those years. The biggest problem was Max Ryan. The man is not exactly what I would call friendly. In fact, he didn't trust any of us to do our jobs and he questioned everything. I know that neither Morgan nor Elle was really fond of him at the beginning.

We found one suspect that fit the time frame and profile. Ryan insisted that this man wasn't the killer and he turned out to be right. It was a good thing we went to his home and searched, because he had a woman tied up in a coffin like drawer under his bed that Hotch found. That poor woman…

The real Keystone Killer left another note for the team, just left it on the windshield of the truck in broad daylight. These guys get bolder all the time.

I had the fun job of dealing with the press who wanted to blame the FBI for failing to catch the guy all those years ago. I had to do a press conference, scratchy voice and all. One of the relatives of one of the new victims was there. He was so angry and sad. I wanted to tell him that it would be alright, but I couldn't. It was the most difficult press conference I've had in a long time. We always leave the victims behind. I know we can't be saviors, but sometime I wish…

So… the new murders had a new MO. When he killed twenty years ago, he tied the women up with these really elaborate knots and he strangled them. Now he takes them out with a blow to the head and puts flex cuffs on them. Then he suffocates them with a plastic bag instead of strangling them.

When we finally got Ryan to trust the team and work together, we found out that the killer had a bad car accident and had lost most of his strength in his right side. That was why he had to change his method.

The team found him with his next victim, who was a target twenty years ago. You see, he wanted to take care of his unfinished business. Morgan told me that Gideon gave Max the handcuffs to take the guy into custody.

At least the plane ride home was fun despite my stuffed up head. Max was telling stories about the old BAU. He told us a very funny story about Gideon and the Director. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I'm glad we got to hear it after that case.

I'm sitting in front of the window in the living room. The sky is clear and black like the other night. All I can think and about is one thing… Is Morgan right? Am I going out with Henry because he looks like Spence?


	16. The Tribe

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**_The Tribe _**

Aunt Gina called me this morning. My cousin Kelly is pregnant. She went on and on about how Kelly, and her husband Simon need to redecorate the spare room in their house for a nursery. Aunt Gina doesn't think that Kelly can take care of things on her own, even though she's not due for another seven and a half months. The way that Aunt Gina was carrying on, you would think that Kelly was about to pop at any day.

Then she goes on and on about me and how I don't have a husband or kids. She thinks I'm wasting away here in the FBI. I don't know what to say to her to make her understand that I'm not ready for children yet. I don't know if I'm every going to be ready for kids. I get along with older kids pretty well, but I don't do well with little tiny babies. See… here I am thinking about it, which is what my aunt wants.

She gave me the third degree about Henry. I'm starting to wish that I hadn't told her about him. She wants to know how serious things are with us, and am I going to bring him home to meet the family. Honestly, she's worse than Morgan. At least she hasn't seen him and isn't accusing me of dating a substitute for Spence. I'm not dating him because he looks like Spence. Why would I do that? I don't play games! If I wanted to go out with Spence, I'd just ask him. He wouldn't say no, would he? He was the one that said we should be friends. Damn it… I'm not going to think about it!

Anyway, Henry called this morning and we're going out to dinner tonight. He says that he wants to make up for the other night when our skating date was interrupted. I'm glad, it's been almost a week since either of us have had time to see each other. See… I want to see Henry, not some Spence substitute.

I'm tired tonight… We just got back from a case in New Mexico. It started out with five college students getting massacred in this empty house. They had broken in for a night of romance and got killed by what the bosses call a pack.

It was Spence that pointed out the similarities of the murder to Native American rituals. We were in Apache country and since the victims were skinned alive, the first thing the team thought was Indians.

We found an expert on Native American culture at the reservation. His name is John Blackwolf. He's an activist, a teacher and a reservation cop. I didn't see it, but Spence told me that he and Hotch really clashed at the beginning. Spence said that Hotch didn't like it that Blackwolf could tell from Hotch's footprints that he carried two guns. Hotch didn't seem to think there was any perceptible difference in the depths of his prints. I think he was still mad at his brother.

I almost forgot that Hotch's brother Sean came to Quantico. He doesn't look anything like Hotch… In fact he was pretty hot. It's not that Hotch isn't attractive, but it's just that… Okay… I'm not going to go there. This is my boss we're talking about. Anyway… they had a loud fight and when Sean left he yelled up at Hotch not to profile him. He had the same look on his face that Hotch gets when he's really mad. Then I could see the resemblance between them.

So where was I? Oh yeah… I was talking about the case. The first suspect that we had was a man that headed up a group that wanted to develop Apache land that the government had seized. The guys talked to him, but it turned out that he's just greedy.

The pack attacked again that night and killed this man and his family along with a police officer that was supposed to be watching him. We wanted to know for sure that his group hadn't planned anything.

We talked to the father of the kidnapped girl. He didn't want to, but I convinced him to talk on the television and ask the kidnappers for her release. It's always hard for the parents to get up and ask for their children to be returned. I've seen them react to a missing child in many ways. This guy seemed way too calm for me. There was just something wrong. I think Hotch thought so too.

After we did the press conference we got a call from the kidnappers. It turned out that the girl was kidnapped on purpose. The father wanted to get her away from a cult she was in. John Blackwolf talked to her and Elle said he really told her off for pretending to be an Apache. She was spouting off all this stuff that someone called the Grandfather taught her. Blackwolf wasn't happy with her at all. At least they got a location on the rest of the cult.

When the team got out to this abandoned motel, only the leader was there. Hotch let Blackwolf talk to him and he got the leader to show his true colors. He never cared about the Indians and their problems. He was just your garden variety racist. Spence said he was like Charles Manson, who wanted to start a race war. When this guy didn't get the response he wanted form the murders, he sent his cult against the kids at the reservation.

Hotch and John Blackwolf saved the kids and the teacher. Reid said it was almost funny to see those kids all trussed up like cattle in a rodeo. I like John Blackwolf. I've never seen anyone talk to Hotch that way and it was funny. I'd never laugh out loud of course… It was just fun to see him with that look on his face twice in two days. Reid told me that Blackwolf called Hotch, Captain America. I wish I could have seen the look on his face after hearing that.

My hand is hurting from all this writing. I'm going to bed and I'm going right to sleep. I'm going to go out with Henry and not compare him to Spence. What's to compare anyway. I guess they're both tall, and they both had brown hair and hazel eyes. Henry is on the skinny side, but he's not like a long lost twin or anything.

Now, I'm going to close my eyes and not think about either of them. I wonder if Spence is having trouble sleeping tonight. Do you suppose he ever thinks about me? I 'm sure he doesn't, he probably goes to sleep thinking about calculus or the mating habits of penguins or something equally weird or boring. Why am I writing about this? I need sleep!


	17. A Real Rain

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_**A Real Rain**_

Henry called me late last night. I had just arrived home after playing catch up with a ton of paperwork at the office. I was in the middle of getting some chamomile tea. He apologized for calling so late, but he was at the hospital, doing his own paperwork between cases. He complained for a long time about the attending physician. I've never met him, but Henry says they clash a lot. I asked him if arguing with his boss was going to get him in trouble, but he said no. He said that Dr. Taylor gets on everyone's nerves, especially the nurses.

After he went on and on about it, I kind of got impatient and asked him if he was going to complain all night or if he had a reason for calling. He sort of got quiet and then he asked if we could get together this weekend and talk.

I asked him why we just didn't talk right then on the phone. He said he didn't want talk about it over the telephone. He sounded really nervous, so I said we could talk on Saturday, if I didn't have a case.

I wish I knew what he wanted to talk about. Maybe he wanted to break up. He didn't sound very happy. Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was okay. I didn't sleep at all that night and then this morning Angie called me. I told her what he asked and she thinks he wants to ask me to marry him. I told her that was ridiculous. We've only know each other for a couple of months. How could he want to marry me? We haven't even talked about marriage. I don't want to get married!

We got another case before I had time to decide if Angie was crazy, or if Henry really wanted to get married. It was another serial killer in New York. At least it got my mind off of Henry for awhile. The killer seemed to be killing at random. There was no pattern to the killings.

Spence sat next to me on the plane. He asked me if everything was okay and I said I was fine. I wasn't going to tell him about Henry. I could see Morgan grinning at me and I gave him a dirty look. He was going to mess everything up if he didn't stop looking at me and Spence. Why can't he just mind his own business?

Elle was mentioning that this wasn't how she wanted to spend time at home. I said that I wished I had time for shopping at Barney's. Spence said he was excited to see the city. Then everyone was teasing him for not visiting there as Quantico was pretty close by plane and train. Then I said that I'd show him around if we have time. As soon as the words left my mouth I couldn't believe I said it. Then I thought I was allowed to spend time with a friend. Spencer is just a friend after all. Morgan is wrong about Henry, I know he is.

It didn't matter because we were very busy once we got to Manhattan. I got the privilege of dealing with the press. We talked to the police, and Hotch and Elle went to one crime scene while Gideon, Spence and Morgan went to the latest scene. It was frustrating to get nowhere that afternoon.

We got a call later on that a priest had been killed the same way. This time there was a witness. She was the one to tell us that the priest had been accused of pedophilia and acquitted. Spence was the one to point out the knife in the priest's ear was flint. Elle told me he went off on this big explanation about Egyptian mythology and how they believed that flint was for retribution and protection. He always comes up with the best stuff! They also found out that this guy was blind folding his victims after killing them like Lady Justice.

We decided to go to out for Chinese for dinner. The sad part was that the only thing anyone could talk about was other cases and profilers. Poor Spence… he couldn't make the chopsticks work and we all laughed at him. He said that Confucius invented the chopsticks. How does he know all this stuff? I was the only one that tried to help by putting them together with a rubber band. Even that didn't work; it was fun to watch though. Does he do it on purpose, or is he really that uncoordinated. It guess he must be, because I can't see why he would do stuff like that on purpose.

We got interrupted with another murder, this time a cop killer. There was a reporter that seemed to know everything about the case before we did. He was a complete jerk and I got the dubious honor of bringing him in to see Gideon and Hotch. He treated me like I was some kind of girl Friday for the FBI so I reminded him that I'm an agent too. He was pretty angry when Gideon got through with him.

You should have heard the calls we got in on the tip line. Everyone was happy with this guy when they found out that his victims were all accused of a crime. The public loves a vigilante. Then some crazy guy killed an undercover cop and it hit the fan after that. He confessed to the killings, but he didn't have any idea about the details.

Anyway, the killer ended up being a court reporter that lost his parents to a violent crime. The team tracked him to his next victim. Gideon almost talked him down, but a member of SWAT killed him when it looked like the guy was going to shoot Gideon. Everyone was pretty down after that and we turned right around to come home. No one wanted to stay there.

The trip home was short, but I still went to sleep. Now it's late and I can't sleep in my own bed for thinking about Henry and why he wants to talk to me. Angie called me just after we got home; she wanted to make sure I hadn't changed my mind about Henry. She seems to think I sabotage all my relationships. She says I'm afraid of commitment. What does she know? I'm not afraid of commitment. I just want to have my career. What's wrong with that?

I just remembered… I didn't get a chance to show Spence around New York.


	18. Somebody's Watching

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_**Someone's Watching**_

We just got back from Los Angeles. Gideon and Spence were there for an in service to the locals. They were on their way to the airport when they were asked to look into the murders of an actress and her boyfriend. They turned out to be two in a series of murders in which a producer and another actress were killed.

Gideon called us to come out to California and while we were working on the profile, a man came in to talk to us about his client. He was the manager for Lila Archer, a young television star. It also turned out that Spence had already been introduced to her by a guy he went to school with at an art gallery.

She's blond, beautiful, and sort of teary eyed, and Spence was completely taken with her. I guess I was hoping that he would be different. I mean he's the one with the big brain and supposed social awkwardness. I guess he just like any man, thinking from between the legs instead of their brain. All she had to do was cry a few tears, and the next thing you know Spence is wrapped around her little finger!

Spence was the one that figured out that there was a clue in this collage Lila had hanging in her house. That led us back to his friend, the Gallery owner and then to Lila's personal assistant, Maggie. And get this… He took her down at Lila's house. The whole thing was right out of that movie "When a stranger calls." I guess that urban legend is right out the window. Of course Spence wouldn't have been there if Gideon hadn't sent him to protect her. Why couldn't it be Morgan or Hotch?

So now Spence is the big hero, taking down the suspect without a shot being fired. The worst thing was going home. He was standing there talking to little miss television star and Morgan and I had to keep the paparazzi away from them. Someone got a picture anyway with Spence's hand on Lila's shoulder and her head on his hand. They looked pretty damn cozy!

Alright… so it was a really bad thing that she was getting stalked and I'm glad he saved her life, but honestly… Is Spencer that dumb to think that she actually likes him?

Yeah, I heard the story of the kiss from Morgan. He called me and told me all about it. I also heard all about Spence and Lila on set, something about a bottle of soda and her flirting with Spence. He said that Spence was asking him for advice as to whether he should try to keep in touch with her. He seemed to think it was hilarious.

He also said to me… "I told you not to string my man along forever."

What does Morgan know about anything? I haven't been stringing Spencer along. It's not like we're dating. Spencer was the one that just wanted to be friends! I never did anything to make anyone think I was interested in Spencer Reid.

By the way, I talked to Henry. He broke up with me. He said that my heart wasn't in the relationship and that I should go after the person I really wanted. I asked him what he was talking about, that there wasn't anyone else. He said that he was tired of hearing about work and Dr. Spencer Reid. He said that he wanted someone that loved him. I think he was overreacting. I don't talk about Spence that much. I'm not in love with Spencer. Besides, Spencer has someone else on his mind. I'm not going to interfere with that. Anyway… if Henry wants to break up, that's his problem. I said I don't want a serious relationship right now. I need to focus on work.

Do you think Spence will actually call her? I hope he does so that he can see that it was just a one time thing. She only likes him because he saved her life, right? I mean he's really cute, and sweet, and really smart, but someone like her wouldn't care about that, right.

But what if she does care?


	19. Machismo

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_**A/n The disc that has this episode doesn't work very well... I think it's scratched, so the episode details maybe wrong as I did this from memory and from a recap on a CM website. Please keep that in mind when reading.**_

_**Machismo**_

My Aunt Gina called me on Saturday. I didn't want to talk to her when the phone rang. I was right in the middle of scouring my kitchen and my refrigerator. I had finished with the bathroom and still had my living room to clean. Cleaning always helps me to get my mind off of all the stuff that builds up from work. Now going to work has become a torture. The last week passed without a big case and we've all been hanging out at the office. It's hard to avoid Spencer and Morgan, and his knowing grin in the office.

Anyway, I'm going to have the cleanest house on the block when this weekend is through. So far I don't feel any better.

Aunt Gina wanted to talk about my cousins wedding and my grandmother who broke her hip a week ago. She wants me to come back home and visit and she wants to talk about Henry. I can't bring myself to tell her that he broke up with me. If I go back there again, she'll pry it out of me. She'll lecture me about driving all my boyfriends away. I can't listen to her say it. She doesn't understand!

Why are families so hard to deal with? Someone told me once that you don't pick your family, you can pick your friends buy family is written in the stars.

We got a request two days ago to go to Mexico. Over the last two years, there were eleven elderly women killed. The papers were saying that it was a serial killer. The government didn't want to admit that was a possibility. They think that serial murders are solely an American phenomenon. Gideon told us about the most prolific serial killer of the last century on the plane and he was Russian so it can't just be an American thing.

Hotch didn't look very happy on the plane. I think his wife was mad that we got called away on our day off. He wanted to know how you say "dog house" in Spanish. Spence said it for him, and Elle teased him about his pronunciation, saying that he was only a genius in English. It was kind of funny and also strangely comforting knowing that Spence doesn't know everything.

We met up with Captain Navarro. He knew Gideon from taking a seminar in profiling years ago. They seemed to get along really well.

He already had a suspect in custody. It was the most recent victim's son. It turned out not to be him because he's gay and Gideon said the killer must be heterosexual.

Hotch was furious that Captain Navarro didn't tell us that he knew that man couldn't be the killer. Hotch hates to be used for political purposes and I don't blame him. They must have come to some understanding because we stayed on.

Elle said the female Attorney General wasn't someone to mess with either. She didn't want us there except to tell them that they didn't have a serial killer and of course she was wrong.

Elle told me that Garcia called up trying to flirt with Morgan in Spanish I think. He teased her about her lack of Spanish skills. Apparently her step father's name is Garcia, no Latino genes.

I arranged a press conference after the cops there took us too literally and rounded up all the transvestites. You see, because of some of the clues the team found, they determined that the killer was a cross dresser. We needed to talk to any women that might have been raped by someone like that. It was thought he started out as a rapist.

There was one woman that Elle and one of the locals talked to that said he tried to rape her. She laughed at him when she saw that he was wearing a dress. So the guys thought that was his stressor.

She got six other women to come forward and the police found that four of them worked in a factory. That's where they found a man called Pablo who the team thought was the killer. Elle told me that they found the dead body of his mother sitting in front of the television. He'd given her all the jewelry he'd taken from the body. Elle said it was right out of "Psycho," the way she was preserved.

It was Navarro that figured out the name of the victims were the same, and the killer was killing the mother's of his victims in the same order as he raped them.

Elle told me all about how they went to the next name on the list and found the killer beaten and stabbed. It was the women he victimized that took him out. The Attorney General refused to press charges. She said they were only protecting their homes.

I guess family is important. Maybe I should call my aunt back and talk to her. My aunt may be a little nosy, but she cares about me. Should I tell her how I messed it up with Henry?

Morgan told me on the way back that Spence told him he called Lila and that they're emailing each other. I don't care and I don't know why Morgan would think that I do. What's he doing talking about Spencer's little romance anyway? I'm sure it won't last. I mean, who can have a long distance relationship with his kind of job and her career.

The problem is that Spence is a great guy. What if she thinks so too and decides that the long distance part isn't so bad? What do I care? It would be great for him to have a girlfriend to help with the stress of the job. I should be happy for him, right. Why do I suddenly feel like crying?


	20. Charm and Harm

_**Disclaimer: See my profile please.**_

_**A/n once again I had to write the episode details from memory due to DVD problems. Many thanks to all my faithful readers and to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC, whom I keep very busy and she never complains.**_

_**And a special shot out to CrImInAlMiNdScSiNyFaN87, hope you feel better soon.**_

_**Charm and Harm**_

At least I didn't have to put up with Morgan teasing me about Spence over the last couple of days. He was too busy with our latest case and teasing Elle. He was sure that she has a secret boyfriend. If she does, I say more power to her. It's no wonder that people don't want to share their private lives around here.

Even if Spence weren't 'dating,' or 'corresponding,' with Lila Archer, I don't' know if I'd want to try to have a relationship with him. Can you imagine how Morgan would react to that knowledge? He just doesn't know when to leave it alone.

My aunt called me again two days ago. She talked me into telling her what's bothering me. I ended up spilling everything to her and crying. I hate to cry… especially over a guy. I'll bet that Morgan would love it if he knew I was crying. My aunt lectured me about pushing men away. She means well, but there are times when I just want to tell her to leave me and my private life alone. She still thinks I would be happier with a husband and five kids.

Then she surprised me by being sympathetic about Spence and his new 'girl.' Aunt Gina said "you're at Quantico and Lila is in Hollywood. Turn on some of that charm you save for the reporters and make him forget about the actress."

I was drinking a glass of water at the time and I nearly choked to death. My aunt is known for speaking her mind, but really…

Anyway… we sort of started out at the back end of a case this week. We went to Florida knowing the identity of the killer. He was this really good looking rich guy that was a total ladies man. He would lure the women in with different disguises and ruses and then torture and drown them.

Morgan and Elle went to Georgia when one of his victims was found there in a hotel room. The team wasn't sure if they would be able to track him as he was known to have almost a half a million dollars in cash with him.

He was married at one time and the poor woman had to go into hiding because of him. Some men should be taken out and shot… but I digress! Elle and Hotch talked to one of his friends and he just couldn't believe the guy could do such a thing. Yeah… that's why he killed all those women.

Anyway, Reid and Gideon went to his house and found all this stuff he was using in his ruses and all kinds of different clothes and disguises. They talked to his dad, but his father left out a lot of details about the guy's life.

It turned out that his mother was unfaithful to his dad and as a kid he decided to kill his mom after a car accident. He drowned her in the water that was in the car after the accident. He did something the guys call 'de-evolve,' and he just grabbed a woman in the middle of the day and tried to drown her in a pool, but the manager at the hotel saved her. Then he grabbed another woman and took her back to the site of the accident with his mother.

The team found out where he was headed and they saved her from getting drowned in the lake. They had to kill him though. I know the guys hate it when these killers go for suicide by cop, but maybe it's better that some people don't survive for trial and jail.

I'm glad that we're home. I've been thinking a lot about what my aunt told me to do. The funny thing is that if it were any other man, I would take her up on the suggestion, but this is Spence. I don't think he'd like it if I suddenly tried to pull him away from Lila. He looks really innocent and naïve, but I think he would know that I was jealous. Maybe I should just wait and see what happens with Lila… Maybe I can get Garcia to talk to him and find out if they're calling each other.

Why is it so easy for me and Spence to talk to Garcia, but we can't talk to each other. Okay… so I know why, that was a rhetorical question!


	21. Secrets and Lies

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_**Secrets and Lies**_

I'm so tired… The last couple of days have been crazy. We barely get back from Florida - after getting that guy that drowned all those women - and we're back at work again.

Gideon called me a one am this morning. For once in my life, I didn't get woken up. I wasn't sleeping. My friend Cindy called me right as I was walking in the door. She works for a PR firm in Washington. She wanted to go out to dinner, and since I was starving and didn't want to cook, I agreed.

We went to this place in Alexandria called Tuscany. It's an Italian restaurant that's been in town for thirty years. You can get anything from pizza, to pasta, to calzones and more. We ordered a pizza and sat at a table near the window that's right on 11th Avenue. Since it was a week night, the place was pretty slow.

After about ten minutes of catching up, Cindy started grilling me about Spence and had I done anything about him. I didn't want to talk about it, but she has a way of prying the truth out of me whether I like it or not. So I told her everything from our 'date' to Lila Archer.

So she said, "Get off your butt and go after him. Lila Archer's in LA and you're here."

I told her that's what my aunt said, and she said, "Listen to your aunt for once."

So I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore and she said "Too bad," and began asking me all kinds of questions about Spence… So I told her that he's a genius, and really cute, and sweet and awkward. I told her about all the strange stuff he knows about, and how brave he is and all the statistics he knows. Cindy laughed at me and said that if I didn't go after him, she would.

I told her to back off and she just laughed again. I said it wasn't that easy and she said that for someone that could play the press like a fine tuned violin, I was pretty pathetic when it comes to a nice guy. I was pretty mad for about five minutes and then I realized she was right. That's how I got to be tossing and turning.

Anyway, I was in a really foul mood when I got the call and I kind of sniped at Reid when we got in. We had a CIA escort bring us up to the sixth floor and it was kind of spooky to have them in the BAU. I said that I wondered what was going on and Spencer said. "Call me cynical, but considering that's its two am I doubt its good news."

To which I replied "You are a genius…"

I seem to have problem talking to him without being sarcastic lately. He never gets mad though, he just looks at me with those big hazel eyes and I feel like a total bitch.

So anyway I got the surprise of my life to find out that Gideon sort of works for the CIA doing all their personnel psych evaluations. One of the agents he'd talked to was killed and made to look like a suicide, and the Arabic woman and children he was protecting had gone missing three days ago. She is an informant and they're afraid that one of the agents is a mole.

She was married to a diplomat for the Saudi government, but he's also a terrorist. He beat and raped her so that's why she talked to us. They faked her death, but he somehow found out about it and came to the United States. We had to find her before the mole and her husband did.

The guys and Elle went to Langley, and Garcia and I stayed at Quantico with two CIA goons. Garcia was complaining loudly about why we couldn't go to Langley. The agent told her that she was on a 'list,' and then all her screens went to a CIA logo. It was very spooky.

Garcia said "You know what this means, we'll be able to find out if Princess Diana's death was really an accident."

I said, "I think that's why you're on that list."

We helped the guys figure out who the mole was and it turned out be one of the heads of counterterrorism. They caught the bad guys and found the informant and her kids. Unfortunately for the mole, he's dead! The CIA doesn't fool around, which is why I don't work for them.

It would have been much more comfortable if we didn't have two CIA agents breathing down our necks. They were a couple of jerks too. I wasn't sorry to see them leave at all. Then Garcia tracked down Prince William's number after they left the room. She would have had it, had they not cut her off while she was looking for a pen. I've never seen her so disappointed. It made me want to laugh for the first time in weeks.

I wanted to talk to her while the guys were gone, but with the agents in the room, there was no way I was going to talk about Spence in front of them. Maybe I'll talk to her tomorrow. She'll know what to do, he's her best friend.

I picked up the phone two minutes ago and almost hit the speed dial for his phone. What if I call him and he's talking to Lila, or another girl? What if he's not talking to Lila or another girl?

I decided to stuff my phone in the night table where I can't see it.


	22. The Fisher King 1 and 2

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_**A/n some info about JJ's childhood in this chapter is made up by me as we don't know a lot about her family.**_

_**The Fisher King 1 and 2**_

I never thought that lightning would strike twice against the team. I thought that after Boston we'd had our dose a terrible luck, but I was wrong. I learned that unexpected and horrible things can happen when you least expect it.

The team was supposed to go on vacation for two weeks. I was to stay here in the office and make sure that they had plenty of work for them to do when they got back. Everything was going according to plan. Hotch was over the moon to have two weeks with Haley and Jack. Morgan and Elle were on their way to Jamaica and a singles resort. Gideon was thrilled to be going to his cabin in the woods and Spence was going - actually I don't know where he was going - but he didn't look happy about it. It was like he was on his way to perform a chore he hated, but felt duty bound to finish. I have no idea what Garcia was planning to do.

Speaking of Garcia, I went to her office, and she started telling me all about her adventures in a fictional world and how great her 'knight' was. It sounded great to me and instead of talking to her about Spence as I had planned, I found myself asking her if the alter-ego of the fictional character she plays with has a brother or uncle. Not sure why I asked that, maybe my friend Cindy was right, I can't face the idea that Spence is the one that could make me truly happy. I don't want to get hurt again.

Everyone got away okay, but less than twenty-four hours later, Gideon received a package at his cabin with a human head and a Nelly Fox baseball card in it. Hotch got a phone call from someone that said something about helping the youngest to save her, that he held the key. We had no clue who 'her' was at that time, but Hotch came into the office anyway.

Elle got arrested in Jamaica, and boy you should have heard what she had to say about the detective down there. Not that I blame her, he sounded like a real chauvinistic jackass. Hotch had to go down there to help her and to bring her and Morgan back here to Quantico.

We identified the headless corpse they brought back from Jamaica, and got to work on trying to figure out the clues we had and the profile. I felt so bad for Garcia. The virtual game she was playing gave the un-sub the means to hack the FBI and get the locations of the team. I've never seen Gideon so angry or Penelope so upset. But she found the hacker, or so we thought.

Reid got back and helped the team find another clue that was right out of a movie like "Indiana Jones." There was a CD with the guy talking on it, and all of our pictures, and a lock of blond hair in a music box. Reid got set a skeleton key and it unlocked the music box. I got a pale clouded yellow butterfly delivered to my desk.

Hotch was pissed when Haley showed up with another clue that a delivery guy just brought to their house. He wasn't mad at Haley, but he was really upset with the situation and I don't blame him. The CD we got said we weren't supposed to have help with the case, but Gideon told me to do a press conference anyway and ask for help finding the delivery guy. The hair ended up belonging to Rebecca Bryant, a girl that had been missing for two years.

The clue that Haley got was some kind of book code according to Spence, and I didn't doubt that he's right. I kept expecting him to just look at all the clues and know everything. I think everyone was stunned when he didn't. We shouldn't have been stunned though, it's not fair to expect him to have all the answers all the time. I should have said something to him to say that it was okay if he didn't have the answer, but I couldn't, it wasn't the right time.

We found Rebecca's family, and on the way to South Boston VA, Morgan and I got the call that Elle had been shot by the un-sub. Morgan was pissed and wanted to go back, but I made him drive on. We had to know more about Rebecca.

She was adopted and we found out her whole family except her father was killed in a bad fire in Nevada. She was only five when it happened. I can relate, I remember when my mom and dad died. I was only ten and it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

Spence found the right book he need for the coded, and he and Garcia and the woman they found that had the book, were able to solve the riddle and get another clue to find the girl.

Spence's mother was in the BAU when Morgan and I got there. It was strange to meet her. She seemed to know this man that called himself the Fisher King. She gave us the information we needed to find where the man was living and get Rebecca.

I wasn't there, but Morgan told me that Reid was the one that tried to talk the Fisher King down, but the man thought that Spence was Percival or something and that he could heal him. Reid's mother is a paranoid schizophrenic. She lives in a sanitarium in Las Vegas. The Fisher King was there too and he thought that Rebecca was the Holy Grail.

Anyway… the Fisher King had a bomb strapped to his chest and he detonated it. Spence almost got blown up. I'm glad that I wasn't there to see it. Morgan that told me all about it in private, I don't know what I would've done if he got killed. I should talk to him. I don't care if he told all of our secrets to his mother. Garcia said that he writes to her every day. How sweet is that?

They saved Rebecca thanks to Dianna Reid. Spence took her back to Las Vegas and I'm sitting here wondering if he's going to stay there for the next two weeks or will he come back. The rest of the team is going back on vacation. I wonder if while he's there, he'll go down to LA and see Lila. Morgan says that they still talk to each other.

Aunt Gina called and wanted to know how things were going. She also wanted to know if I'd talked to the "good looking Dr. Reid," yet. I had to say no because she would know if I lied. Garcia called me after she got her computers fixed. So I bit the bullet and asked her about Reid. After enduring her teasing about Spence, she told me that Lila is really pushing Reid to move out to LA and he doesn't want to go. Garcia said that I should give him an incentive to stay. I asked her what she meant by that and she just laughed and said "Use your imagination, Sunshine."

See… that's the problem, my imagination is really good when it comes to Spence.


	23. PS911

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_**PS911**_

I've been very neglectful of my journal, or diary or whatever you want to call it. The last four months have been so busy and so boring at the same time, I haven't had the heart to sit down and write. A lot has happened in the last four months. My cousin had her baby, a cute little boy with fuzzy blond hair and blue eyes. His name is James and I got to go to East Allegheny last weekend to see him. He's three months old and so adorable.

My Aunt Gina started in on me again about Spence and if I was ever going to have a baby. I swear she thinks that all I have to do is wink and he'll drop everything for me. I told her that he's been gone for three and a half months, and I couldn't talk him or do anything else if he wasn't there.

Spence took his vacation after the Fisher King case and was only back for a week when Bennington Sanitarium called to say that his mother had been hurt in a scuffle with another patient and she had a broken arm. Hotch let him go back to Vegas, and he ended up staying down there for three months. Garcia said that he was terrified that something else was going to happen to her. I guess it was Gideon that convinced him to come back to work.

When I saw him for the first time after he got back from Las Vegas, his hair was short and combed back from his face. He was wearing horn rimmed glasses that looked like they were throw backs to the sixties. Morgan couldn't resist teasing Reid about those glasses and his haircut the first day he got back. Reid got mad and told him in front of all of us that he had an allergy, and his doctor told him not to wear his contacts for a few weeks. Then he said his mom hated his hair and he cut it for her so that she wouldn't be upset by him when she was injured.

I like the hair, but not the glasses, still it's not his fault if he has to wear them instead of his contacts and Morgan needs to leave him alone about it.

We caught a bad case this week. It was a child pornography ring. The kid was a little boy that the Supervising Agent in the Crimes against Children Unit had named Peter. The Agent's name is Katie Cole and she called us in to find him. His image had come up in a chat room and there was an auction clock counting down to sell him in less than eighteen hours. SSA Cole tried to find him a year ago, but failed. She was one of the very first profilers and she's very intense. I don't blame her, auctioning off a child like that makes me sick.

Elle showed up just after we split up to find the boy. Hotch made her go with Reid to CACU to work with the agents there. Hotch and the rest of the team went with SSA Cole to Cleveland to check out the web company that hosts the chat room.

I wanted to give Peter's picture to the media, but SSA Cole said no to that and she had us tell Reid and Elle to check the live feed for clues. The guys finally made it to the web company. They weren't happy to see them when they served the warrant. Garcia found the guys payment method that had uploaded the image to CACU, and she got his name and address. We also found another web domain and what looked like a kid tied up in some room somewhere. When the guys got there they found out the kid was faking it. His father had gone to prison and he was "selling himself," on the internet. He helped the guys find one of the pedophiles that had bid on Peter. The guy is a principal at an elementary school. Once again I have to ask the question, what is wrong with people?

Unfortunately when Katie tried to talk to the man holding Peter, he realized that she was pretending to be the principal when my friends in the media put the arrest of the school principal all over the television. I'll never forget how I felt when that web site went black. It was a horrible feeling. I got one of my friends to put out a false story that we were looking somewhere else for the guy and he put the website back up.

Garcia and I were able to find out where he lived at one time by the shirt the kid was wearing. It was a wilderness group called Tad Poles and we got the unit number figured out from the partial image on the shirt. Gideon was the one to figure out that Katie had interviewed the man that had Peter last year. I think she blamed herself when the guys finally found Peter. She thought she should have looked harder than she did.

The kid was kidnapped when he was one year old and seeing him reunite with his mom was so great. I can't imagine what she must have gone through. They ought to string the kidnapper up by his balls.

Everyone was relived when it was all over. I hope I never have to watch an auction clock count down on another boy's life again.

Well… I did it I cornered Reid in the break room and asked him out for coffee some evening and he said yes.

Garcia told me that he and Lila went their separate ways. I guess she freaked when she found out his mother was in a mental institution. Too bad for her!


	24. The Perfect Storm

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_**The Perfect Storm**_

We had a case in Florida. One of the young women's parents received a DVD of her being tortured and raped. The father had a heart attack and died while watching it. You should have seen Hotch's face when I told him. It must be so hard for him to stay objective when it comes to cases like that. I can see how he's put himself in the place of the parents.

Gideon was the one to point out that there were two killers. It's not bad enough that we had one psycho out here, but give him a partner. I decided to stop asking myself what is wrong with people. The body of their latest victim was found as we made our way there. I don't want to think about what she looked like.

Hotch and Elle had the unenviable task of talking to her mother, and trying to get more information about her. Morgan and Gideon went to the dump sight, and Spence and I went to the police station so he could work on the victimology and could smooth the way.

It was strange to be there alone with Spence. It was the first time since I asked him out. We hadn't had a chance to go yet, and I was a lot more nervous than I thought I would be. He was all business and he wouldn't look at me while we were working.

We found more possible victims that were also beaten and strangled. I realized that the DVDs were sent to the mothers, and Spence said that the killers were angry because the mother pleaded on the air for their daughter's release. He said that they didn't want forgiveness or have remorse. It made me shiver to hear that.

Another girl disappeared around the time that Garcia found out that the killers were destroying the missing cars of the victims and selling the parts over state lines. Gideon, Morgan and the cops found a possible suspect, but he committed suicide by cop before they could question him.

We found his cell mate a guy named Tony Canardo. They arrested him and tried to get him to talk. He wouldn't say anything to us. His wife Amber came into the station looking like he'd beaten her and wearing a ring that had belonged to one of the victims. She looked pretty upset when Spence told her where it came from. Gideon talked her into going into talk to Tony. It turned out that she and Tony were the killers. She was abused, and raped, by her father and her brother, her mother refused to help her, so she turned into what her father was and killed those girls.

I know I said I wasn't going to say this again - but what is wrong with people? How could a woman do that to another woman? I'm just glad that we found that girl before she was killed.

So… here I am at the part of this entry that I've been avoiding. Spence and I met for coffee and he wasn't happy with the fact that we were there alone. He came right out and asked me why the others weren't there with us.

I told him that our friends didn't need to chaperone us on a date. So he said, "Why would you ask me out?"

I was a bit taken aback, but I tried not to show that I was really confused by his tone. "I really like you Spence. I wanted to spend time with you outside of work."

He said, "Is this about Lila?"

I was completely caught off guard by this and didn't know what to say.

We were sitting in a booth at the back of Sam's and I didn't want to have this conversation in public, but he didn't leave us any choice. He looked really pissed at me and all I could do was sit there.

"I told Garcia that it was over with Lila and me. I knew she'd tell you. I've seen the jealousy in your eyes every time Morgan mentioned her and teased me about her. I knew you'd ask me out."

"I hate profilers," was the only thing that I could say.

"And I hate jealousy," He said. "I hate seeing it in your eyes, and mostly I hate that now after almost a year, you decide that we could go out."

I was getting really mad by this time. I couldn't believe he was reacting this way. "I wasn't the one that said I only wanted to be friends." I was trying not to cry at this point.

"I said that because I knew that's what you wanted. You only went out with me because it was football and you wanted to go to the game," He said.

"That's not true… I really liked you and I still do." I tried to tell him.

"Do you really expect me to believe that when you jump right after my relationship with Lila ends?" He said

"Okay, I was jealous. What else do you want me to say?" I asked him and there was something in his eyes that warned me to be careful and it scared me a little.

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to come and talk to me when you want to know anything about me instead of going to Garcia, or listening to what Morgan has to say." He said.

"I'm sorry," I said.

He said, "I know you are. I really like you JJ and I have since the first day I saw you. I don't know how to act around you most of the time. I'm always afraid I'm going to do something to make you laugh at me."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"I know," He said again. "I don't know what to do now."

"Can we just have a cup of coffee and talk?" I asked him and I was so afraid that he would leave and I'd never have another chance.

He stayed and we had several cups of coffee. It was three o'clock in the morning before we left the café. I asked him if we could get together again and have dinner or go to the movies. He said that he'd have to think about it and he just drove away.

I really messed things up…


	25. Psychodrama

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**_Psychodrama_**

I had a doctor's appointment three days ago. Yearly physicals are always at the top of my list of things to put off as long as possible, despite the fact that my OB is a woman. She's the greatest! She was completely psyched to see pictures of my new little cousin. I think she's a sucker for blonds. All of her boyfriends are blonds. I like guys with brown hair and chocolate eyes. She spent most of the visit pumping me for information about Spence. You'd think that he was all I ever talked about. She was really happy that I finally asked him out. As excited as she was you'd think we were a couple in a soap opera that had been kept apart by a series of improbable and completely ridiculous circumstances. Talk about over-dramatic…

So I told her about what happened on our date and she winced. She said that I have to do something to make it up to him and prove that I really care for him. I asked her how I was supposed to do that when he wouldn't even trust me enough to agree to go out again. She said to find something that he likes and surprise him with it.

It was at that moment that I realized that I really don't know all that much about him. What does he like to do in his spare time? I never took the time to find out. I should talk to Garcia. She would know, right? No… He said he wanted me to come talk you him instead of relying on others. So how do I find out without ruining the surprise?

We got called to another bad one. Okay so all of the cases we deal with are really bad. It started out as a strange set of bank robberies where the un-sub was making the customers undress. In the last robbery he made two pairs of customers simulate sex with each other. I know I said I wasn't going to say, it again, but what is wrong with people?

Also, we had to go to LA and that's not where I wanted Spence to be right after breaking up with a Hollywood starlet. I'm sure it brought back some bad memories for him. I wish I had had the time to go see her and have a little chat.

Anyway, we split up as always to look at different aspects of the crime. Elle and Hotch went to look at the video surveillance, and Gideon and Morgan went to the bank. Spence and I went to the police station and started on the geographical profile. Spence was explaining his map and the lines he was drawing on it. I understood some of what he was saying but some of it was just big words. It was nice though, he didn't seem to be mad about the other night, but then he's always professional in the office. It's one of the things I love about him. Then he explained that the area he was looking at only narrowed down the number of people to about two hundred thousand. I just said, "Oh," and we just looked at each other. I thought, well, it's better then two million people.

Hotch had Garcia run her recognition software and she determined that the height differences made it two un-subs, which just made our job harder to do. Then she realized, and I don't know how, that the guy was wearing lifts in his shoes.

I had the fun job with Elle and Spence to look through all the sex offenders and bank robber files at the station. Normally it would be a tedious job, but it was nice to just be close to Spence, even if it was a bit distracting. We found a suspect, but it turned out he wasn't the guy.

Did you know that Spence studies maps? He also realized that the guy was doing something called a psychodrama. He needed an audience to play out his fantasies. Hotch was very upset when this guy just walked into a café and tried to get a teenage kid to hit his mother. Then he killed the kid when the kid wouldn't do it. He just shot him. It was awful to watch. I've never seen Hotch look like that.

Hotch, Spence and Gideon got him at a kid's birthday party where he was trying to make a kid kill his mother. I guess the un-sub's mother was abusive to him as a kid, and that coupled with some serious meth tweaking, made him go nuts and try to get revenge on his mom. I'm glad that Hotch shot him! He deserved it for killing that boy.

Spence talked to me after we got off the plane and everyone else left the airstrip. He said that he was sorry for overreacting the other night and I said that it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I told him I was sorry for getting jealous and not going to him with my concerns and talking about it.

He asked if we could go for coffee somewhere and have a talk. It went well, but I could tell he was still holding back and he didn't say anything about going out again. I don't know what to do to fix it. I didn't even think about trying to find out more about what he likes. I got distracted by his eyes like always. They should come with a warning or something.

Should I talk to Garcia, or will he get mad again?


	26. The Aftermath

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_**The Aftermath**_

We had a really bad one this week. Something happened that was a total surprise to all of us. We had to go to Ohio on a strange rape case. The man that did it started out with college students and then he just changed victims to women in their thirties. I hate rape cases.

The detective assigned to the case was a woman called Callahan and she was great. We went with Morgan to talk to the victims at the college. We talked to one girl who wouldn't really open up till Morgan left. She was so upset. What is it about men, and especially men in the police force that think that if you don't fight back you're in the wrong and if you do fight back you're in the wrong? I can't believe that there are still men out there that think there is no such thing as rape. How can anyone think that?

We found a victim that hadn't reported her rape. She committed suicide because this bastard got her pregnant. It was the guys that determined he had some kind of fantasy that involved having a family. Whatever happened to dating, and getting married, and having kids? What is wrong with people?

So, he changed the age of victims because of the suicide. He wanted someone that wouldn't have an abortion, which is why he started with young religious girls. Then we found out that he was targeting women that went to a fertility clinic. They would fill out a questionnaire about their likes and dislikes, and the doctor would sell it to a telemarketing firm. So much for privacy…

We had the fun job of trying to comb through all the forms and find this guy. We found what looked like his next victim, but when the cops got there she didn't answer the door. They didn't have probable cause to go in. Later, it was discovered that the rapist had been in there with her all along.

Hotch and Gideon set Elle up undercover to trap the guy but she panicked and arrested him before he broke into the house. We had to let him go. Hotch was not happy and I don't blame him. I've never heard Elle talk to him like that though.

The worst part is that Elle went to this guy's home to talk to him and shot him. He died and she told the cops it was self defense. I don't believe that, I think she went there on purpose to kill the guy. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but I'm glad she did it. We knew he worked for the same telemarketing company. He stopped outside the house where Elle was, to supposedly check his map, which was too much of a coincidence for me.

I tried to talk to Spence after the plane landed but he was very upset for some reason. He just left me standing there staring at him as he walked away. I really wanted to go somewhere and talk but he said he couldn't talk right then. I wonder if it has something to do with what happened to Elle. I think he sort of thinks of her as a big sister or something. Maybe I should call him tonight. Do you think he'd be mad if I did?

My friend Angie called and left a message on my machine. Her rehearsal dinner is tomorrow night. She said I was invited and could bring a date if I wanted to. I wish I could take Spence with me, but wedding stuff might not be the best thing for a date at this point. What if he thought I was trying to rush him or something? I don't want to scare him off.

I don't know what is wrong with Elle. I know her shooting was very hard on her. Maybe I should have tried to talk to her instead of getting so caught up in this drama with Spence. Maybe we all should have tried harder to talk to her.

Did she really shoot a man in cold blood? Does that mean any of us are capable of doing the same thing? Does it matter if he was guilty?

Oh… the phone is ringing and it's my Aunt Gina. It's very late, but I'm glad. I just need someone to talk to. I hope Spence is okay.


	27. The Boogeyman

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_**The Boogeyman **_

I found the perfect date for Spence and me, or at least I thought I did before this latest case we had. Since asking Spence to the rehearsal dinner was out of the question, and since Halloween is here, I decided to ask him to go with me to a haunted house. They have lots of them set up around DC for charity purposes. So I called him and was careful not to mention why he was upset. I was hoping that he would open up to me on our date. So I asked him if he wanted to go through a haunted house with me. He was silent for so long that I thought we got cut off. Then he said that he would go, but he didn't sound very excited about it. I just thought he was still upset about Elle's shooting and didn't say anything. I just tried to be really excited about it.

I went to the rehearsal dinner for Angie and met her fiancé Curtis. He's really cute and tall with really dark brown hair and eyes that are nearly black. He has a mustache and a cute little goatee. Angie seems to be over the moon. He's not as cute as Spence though. I was careful to tell her and she just rolled her eyes at me. Unfortunately I missed the wedding because we got called to Ozona Texas on a serial killer case.

Elle wasn't in the briefing and she wasn't on the plane with us. Hotch stayed behind too, and Gideon went with us to Texas. So Spence said something about Elle getting cleared and Morgan said that it was self defense. Reid said, "So it was a good shoot?" And I said, "She hit was she was aiming for." and he said, "That's not what I meant." He's so literal all the time. It's annoying and cute at the same time. We were discussing why she wasn't with us and if everything was okay, but Gideon told us to focus on the case.

The victims were kids, two little boys, and then I got another call saying that a little girl had been killed, which completely changed the profile the guys were working on. We got to talking about how kids shouldn't have to be afraid of killers. I said the only thing I was afraid of was the woods. Morgan said he was afraid of the dark as a kid. Spence said. "Some of us still are," so that must be why he's not excited about going to a haunted house, lots of dark places.

Ozona is a little town, and we got the adults and the kids together to teach them how to stay safe, like using the buddy system. All the kids were paired off in groups to walk home from school and we set up a curfew.

A little boy went missing and his brother told us about a house on the hill that was supposed to be haunted. There was supposed to be this old man that would catch, kill and eat kids. They were all terrified of him. So we went searching for him and the kid. We found the old man dead of a heart attack in the woods where he'd been setting traps for wildlife. He'd been dead since before the murders started.

Gideon, Spencer and some of the locals went up to the old man's house and found the boy. He'd been scared by a tree branch and was unhurt. They searched the house with Morgan, and found stuff that belonged to the kids. I guess the real killer was trying to throw us off by leaving the trophies there for us to find.

We were all sitting around drinking coffee the next morning, and we started talking about the stuff we were afraid up as kids. I told the guys this tall tale about a murder when I was a camp counselor. I really had them both going there for awhile. Morgan said "You're serious," and I said, "No, I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods, I just am." You should have seen the look on Reid's face. It was funny. Morgan told me payback is a bitch. I'm not scared of him. Spence said he was afraid of the dark because of the inherent absence of light. What is that supposed to mean? It sounded like a made up excuse to me.

The team found food trays in the old guy's house, brought by the church to the old man. There were finger prints that led us to a counselor at the school. We arrested him, but it turned out that it was his son that was killing the kids. He was angry at his father for paying more attention to other kids after his mother left them. The boy was allergic to milk and that's how we discovered it was him when Spence found and Epee-Pen and a refrigerator full of duct taped dairy products.

We caught the boy chasing his next victim in the woods. She was this cute little girl name Tracey that trusted him because we taught them the buddy system and he offered to walk home with her. He tried to attack her with a baseball bat, but we got there in time. I don't want to think about what might have happened if we hadn't.

Spence and I went to the haunted house tonight, the night before Halloween. Did you know that Halloween is his favorite holiday? There was a huge line out front and we had to wait to get in for about forty five minutes. We talked about a lot of things, mostly about work until the conversation got around to Elle. He told me about going to see her in her hotel room and how he tried to help her. I told him that her leaving the BAU wasn't his fault, but I don't think he believed me. He thinks he should have done more to help her. I can't believe she just went away without saying goodbye to us.

I asked Spence three times in the line, if he really wanted to go into the haunted house. He said that it was good therapy for his phobia. So we went inside and it really wasn't that scary I didn't think, but at least I got to hold his hand the whole time. It was a bit funny because most guys expect the girl to be all freaked out and holding their hand, but it was the opposite for us. Actually, about halfway through he sort of relaxed and I now know everything you ever wanted to know about vampires, and werewolves, and zombies. I also know everything there is to know about xeroderma pigmentosa and lycanthropy, and all about voodoo rituals and about Haitian Culture. I also got a lecture about how vampires couldn't exist in our time, and a bunch of other stuff that I kind of tuned out. It was nice to have him sort of back to his old self, so I didn't mind.

He was really pleased with himself, that he got through the haunted house and even seemed to enjoy it a lot. He went red when he realized after we left that he was still clutching my hand, but I said that it was alright. He kissed me on the cheek when we got back to my house. I was kind of hoping for more than that, but he was really nervous so I didn't complain. Spence is completely excited about Halloween and handing out candy. Sometimes he can act like such a little boy, but it's very cute, so I'm not laughing.

We're going to have an early dinner tomorrow so he doesn't miss the kids. He wants me to come over to his apartment to watch horror movies and hand out candy. I can't believe he asked me over to his place. Sometimes he surprises me. I'm not going to do anything to mess it up. From now on everything is going to be okay. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. I won't let it.


	28. North Mammon

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**_North Mammon_**

Everything was so wonderful two days ago. I went to Spence's place for Halloween as planned. He was wearing this elaborate vampire costume complete with plastic fangs and white, pasty pancake makeup. He spent the whole evening handing out candy to kids, and speaking in this really bad Romanian or Transylvanian accent. We watched a couple of old B- horror movies that were funny rather than scary, and ate too much chocolate and popcorn.

I was on my way out the door at eleven o'clock when Spence just grabbed me and kissed me right on the mouth. I was so surprised I couldn't move and then my legs felt like they were going to collapse underneath me. He finally let go of me and I couldn't talk or even breathe. If it's possible for someone to blush underneath all that makeup, I'm sure that Spence was. He tried to apologize and I told him not to spoil it. Then I asked him where he learned to kiss like that. He wouldn't look at me and so I put my hand under his chin and pulled his face around to look at me. He said that the only girl he ever kissed was Lila, and he was afraid that I would be mad, but he really wanted to kiss me since the first day we met. It was so sweet - how can you get mad at a guy when he says something like that? His eyes lit up like stars and he laughed after I kissed him again. It was really nice and it felt like finally coming home.

My good mood lasted till Aunt Gina called me at work two days later. She told me that a friend of hers was on her way to see me at work. She wouldn't give me a lot of details even though I told her that we're busy and I don't have time for a visit. Aunt Gina said it was an emergency. I thought she was probably overreacting

I met Mrs. Homefeldt at the elevator and she so upset. She was from the next town down the line from East Allegheny. Her daughter and two of her daughter's friends had disappeared. The girls are soccer players and one has a full ride scholarship to Penn State. She was very upset and begged me to help her. How could I tell her no?

I took the request to the team, and Hotch basically said that without the invitation of the police, we couldn't help. I was way ahead of him and already had the paperwork. The team was pretty skeptical at first, especially Morgan. I sort of got angry and told them about how I was an athlete in high school, and how they wouldn't just cut school, do drugs, or smoke and jeopardize a scholarship. I lost my temper, but I just knew that we had to go, even though I didn't want to go back home because of work.

The cops weren't very helpful at first. They didn't think that the girls were missing. They thought they had just taken off. Hotch and I talked to Kelly Seymour's parents. I was so irritated with Mr. Seymour. He's talking about football and how Kelly felt left out. I was thinking that he probably thought his son, who's on the football team, was more important than his daughter.

The guys found cigarette butts across the street from one of the houses like someone had been watching. The DNA came back to their coach. Hotch asked me if I thought it was strange that the girls were missing and all anyone can talk about is the Championship game. So I told him it was football, didn't he know you can play it without girls. I was going for sarcasm with that statement. The truth was that I was so pissed off by the whole attitude. It was like being back in my home town when I was a teenager and I hated feeling that way again.

We found Brooke's car but no sign of the girls. Finally the cops decided that the girls really were missing. The guys gave the cops and the families the profile. They weren't happy when Gideon said it was someone in town. Brooke's father finally showed up and I had to take him aside to calm him down. He took off before I could stop him, and he went and attacked the girls' soccer coach. Derek had to take him down before he killed the guy.

We were talking to both of them when a driver of a garbage truck found the girls' soccer jerseys in the trash behind a motel where Mr. Chambers was staying. He and the coach ended up with good alibis. It looked like the kidnapper was tying to set them up.

We brought in the parents to find who the common person in their lives. They ended up sniping at each other and name calling. I lost my temper again and told them to shut up, stop fighting and help us. I think everyone was shocked into silence. Then it almost like some awful cue came to us from offstage. Garcia called us to tell us that one of the girls' cell phones had come on and they were right outside the police station. There were only two of them there and one had blood splattered on her face.

Polly identified their abductor from an old football team picture from thirty years ago. Brooke confessed to killing Kelly Seymour before Kelly could kill her. That man made them choose who to kill all because of a stupid football injury that cost him his career. He was the garbage man that 'found' the jerseys in the dumpster.

God… whatever happened to getting over your high school years already. What's the matter with people?

Hotch told me on the plane that I should be a profiler. I told him I was happy doing what I do and I really am. I don't want to be a profiler. I'll leave that to the rest of the team. They're the best. Hotch said that I did exceptional work on the case. It was the best compliment I've ever had.

I had all these case files I was looking at, and Hotch asked me what it all was, and I said I had to figure out where we were going next. He said, "We're the profilers, I thought we made those decisions." To which I replied, "Sure you do," and he actually smiled. It was startling and wonderful at the same time.

Spence called me after we got home. We talked for a long time. He said that he was really proud of me for how I stood up to Hotch and made the team take the case. He also made me laugh by asking me what Garcia meant when she said "bang bang for now," when he called her about the cigarette butts they found. I just laughed and said he should know better than to wonder what Garcia meant by anything.

I didn't sleep very well that night. I was up at the crack of dawn and just as I finished getting dressed, there came a knock at my door. It was Spence. I don't know how he knew I would be up, but somehow he did. He took me to breakfast at this little café around the corner from my place. We got a seat next to the east side window and we watched the sun come up. I asked him why he dragged me out for breakfast and he said that he just wanted to see me smile again. It was really sweet. Unfortunately, we had to go to work after breakfast, but I felt much better and ready to dig into work again. I should have asked him out a long time ago. Why did I wait so long? I know… I'm out of my mind!


	29. Empty Planet

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**_Empty Planet_**

I went home again this weekend. My little cousin's Christening was Sunday, and my cousin begged me to be there for it. Of course I asked Spence if he wanted to go. You should have seen his face when I told him my whole family wanted to meet him. It was mean of me, but it was funny too. He stuttered and stammered and got all red in the face and so cute. He went off on some tangent about meeting the girlfriend's family and a couple of other things I didn't really listen to. I decided to put him out of his misery and kissed him.

Did I ever mention that he tastes like coffee and that he has the softest lips of any guy I ever kissed?

Anyway, I explained that my family was going to have to wait to meet him. I told him that I didn't think we were ready for the "meet the family," routine. He was really relieved and I was too. I want him to meet my family, but I just don't want to rush things with Spence. I want us to have time to get to know each other.

I got home really late and then this morning I got the news that someone was going to set off a bomb in Seattle. He had called many news agencies and we had to do a threat assessment. I walked right past Spence at work without stopping. He said something to me, but I didn't really hear him. All I could think about was that we had another bomber out there. I was bound and determined that it didn't turn into Boston again. We couldn't really do anything till he set off a bomb, and when he did two people were killed. It was terrible…

We got to Seattle and I had the very fun job of talking to the survivors on the bus that had the bomb. We had to match them to their seats to find out where the bomber might have been sitting. Spence and Morgan went to talk to the bomb squad, while I did a PSA to see if we could get him to call in.

The guys didn't think he wanted to kill anyone because of the size of the bomb. They decided that he was a personal cause bomber and that it had something to with hating technology. The guy called the tip line and talked to Gideon. He called himself Allegro and said he had another message. We heard him set off the bomb and everyone freaked out. I was so scared that he'd killed someone else. But no one was injured, thank God. One of the bomb squad found his so-called manifesto about destroying technology. Spence was the one to figure out that he was living out a science fiction book called "Empty Planet." He went off on this big explanation about robots taking over the world, and the human boy and his army that destroy them. It was so cute to watch him get all excited about that book. He's so sexy when he's excited like that. How am I supposed to concentrate on my job?

Gideon and Spence talked to a man who was on the bus and was an expert in artificial life. The guy wouldn't accept our protection and he got blown up by a car bomb. We couldn't do anything to stop it. The author of the book, Ursula Kent, was right there in Seattle teaching at St. Dennis University. Gideon and Spence went to talk to her to find out if any of her students may have had anything to do with the bombings.

While the guys were checking Dr. Cooks car, Allegro called Gideon and demanded his manifesto get printed. He told Gideon we'd be very busy. He led Hotch and Morgan around looking for bombs at a bunch of different government buildings.

The scariest part of the whole case was the bomb in Dr. Brazier's car. The guys got there in time to stop her from driving off, but the bomb was under her seat. Morgan stayed with her while the bomb squad worked to get her out of the car. Hotch tried to order him to get away from the car, but he wouldn't do it. He told me about how Morgan stuck with her till they were able to get her out of the car. Morgan might be too gung-ho, and he might like to tease Spence too much, but he's a brave and compassionate man.

So the bomb techs blew up the car on Gideon's orders. He did it to convince Allegro that the doctor was dead and keep her safe.

The bomber turned out to be an old student of Ursula Kent's that was adopted. He'd read Empty Planet and thought it was prophecy about his life. He thought Ursula Kent was his mother. His ultimate goal was to confront her and kill her.

The guys went to the college to get her, but he got there first. There was a confrontation and Dr. Kent got shot when one of the SWAT officers got trigger happy. She's going to be okay and Allegro is in custody. It turned out that she wasn't his biological mother, but even so, she took a bullet for him.

I kind of felt bad for him. After all he only wanted to be loved by his real mother. It made me glad that I have a family. I felt bad for resenting my Aunt Gina bugging me about Spence in my last visit. She was a little irked that I didn't bring him with me to meet them. We got in a shouting match about it and now I'm sorry for that. I'm going to call her and apologize.

I finally got to talk to Spence after the case was over. We played gin on the plane home. Of course, Spence couldn't keep his hands off Hotch's cards when he got up and left the game for a minute, even after Hotch told him not to cheat.

He was going on and on about how science fiction is deeper than I would think, and that there was genuine human emotion. So I said, "Let me save you the time Reid, I'm never going to Comic-Con with you."

He got all cute and flustered, and then I moved in for the kill and put down my cards. He had to look at them to make sure I didn't cheat. I accused him of not trusting me. He said he had to make sure. So I said, "I beat the genius Dr. Reid," and he said "Genius Dr. Reid let you win." He made me laugh and I was grateful for it, after that case.

I think the next time we play poker, I'm gonna flirt with him and see if I can win again. Hm… I wonder if innocent Dr. Reid has ever played strip poker!


	30. The Last Word

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_**The Last Word **_

I should have been more careful with this journal. Not that anyone just picked it up and read, but - well let me start at the beginning.

Last weekend Hotch told us we were off the on call list, including me and Garcia. So Spence showed up at my door at the ungodly hour of eight am on Saturday morning with coffee. It's a very good thing for him that he's cute; otherwise I might have pulled my gun and shot him for waking me up. Also, the weather is getting colder and he was wearing his favorite dark brown corduroy jacket and his purple scarf. I love that scarf. I decided to forgive him and take the coffee he was carrying in a cardboard tray.

We went to the living room and were having a nice chat, when I excused myself to go answer the phone. It was a stupid telemarketer. I hung up on the girl and when I got back to the living room I didn't see one of my shoes I'd forgot to put away last night and tripped over it. I fell down, almost hitting my head on the edge of the coffee table. Spence jumped up and came over to help me. It made me laugh that for once it was me falling over my own feet. At least it was funny till Spence stood back up, hit the table and knocked a stack of books over, including my journal that I'd left there Friday night.

He got really red in the face and tried to help me pick up the books. He picked up the Journal and just looked at me with a look I'd seen before when we worked together. He dropped it on the table like it burned his fingers and went back to his seat on the couch.

So I told him he could read it if he wanted to, even though I was really nervous at what he would think. I know what you're thinking; that I'm nuts, but there was something in his eyes at that moment that told me to trust his reaction.

I gave him the book and he read it in less then two minutes. There was this really strange look in his eyes when he finished reading the journal. I tried to make him tell me what he was thinking, but he said it was nothing. I wanted to push the issue, but he'd removed his glasses and was rubbing at his eyes. The infection he's had for the last few weeks is healing, but there were times that he was in some pain, usually after we'd worked for hours on end. It distracted me from the journal. We had breakfast together and I talked him into going to the mall with me.

We got a case Monday morning in St. Louis. We had competing serial killers to deal with there. One called himself the Hollow Man and the other one was called the Mill Creek Killer. The Mill Creek Killer would attack a certain type of woman that he would bludgeon to death and then leave in the woods. The Hollow Man used a .45 and hollow point bullets to kill prostitutes.

I interrupted something weird when I went to get Hotch for the briefing. There was a dark haired woman in his office. He didn't look happy that she was there. I heard him say "I didn't approve this transfer Agent Prentiss," when I left his office. Are we getting a new agent? If we are, why didn't Hotch look very happy? Not that it's easy to tell when he's upset, but I digress.

While we talked about the case on the plane Spence had that look on his face again, the one from the weekend. He was rubbing his eyes again too. Usually, I try to keep a bit of distance from him when we're working. Not because everyone doesn't know about us, but because we're both professionals. So it was a surprise to me when I sat down on the arm of his seat and asked him what was wrong. He said that it was strange to have two serial murderers operating at the same time.

Hotch assigned him to look at the handwriting on the letter the Hollow Man sent to the press giving himself a name. I talked to the reporter that had received the letter and asked him not to write about the Hollow Man.

Then the most recent victim of the Mill Creek Killer was found a few hours after we arrived. I went to the crime scene with Gideon and Morgan. She had fresh lipstick and her hair was combed when we found her. I didn't think anything could be worse than just killing them, but sex acts with the dead bodies made me want to throw up. I kept it back though and did my job.

The Hollow Man was enraged by the lack of writing about him in the paper so he killed two prostitutes in broad daylight. He left a newspaper displayed between them. Jim Meyers, the reporter came and confronted me. He felt responsible for the deaths of the prostitutes. I had the fun job of trying to calm him down.

Spence was working on the handwriting analysis and he explained a bunch of personality traits for the killer. He seemed so sure of his conclusions that I had to play devils advocate for a minute. I reminded him that my handwriting is always different and he had an answer for that too. He has an answer for everything. It's a bit annoying!

Another girl went missing and we were able to find her in the woods where the other women had been found. The guys went to wait for him, but Jim Meyers was all they found. Apparently the Hollow Man told him where to find the body. We had no idea how the Hollow Man was getting this information till Spence figured it out as usual. He may be annoying, but he when he's right you can't be mad if it helps the case.

The killers were communicating in the classifieds. Garcia couldn't track them because they'd used cash. Gideon decided to use their relationship against them. Spence wrote a message imitating the Hollow Man to the Mill Creek Killer. I wasn't surprised that he could write it, but it was a bit creepy. It told the Mill Creek Killer that the Hollow man was leaving a gift for him at his dump site. We had to move fast because he tried to grab a woman off the street, but she screamed and got away.

We got a young police woman to pretend to be dead in the forest and the guys grabbed the Mill Creek Killer when he went to see his gift. Gideon talked to him and got him to admit that he'd killed those women.

I did a press conference saying that we had caught the Mill Creek Killer and that we didn't think the Hollow Man's kills were connected. I said we weren't interested in him anymore. I know that Hotch was trying to make him angry, but I don't know if Hotch thought the guy would come to the police station. But he did and was able to use a cop to get to us.

I'm trained to deal with having a gun pointed at me or someone I work with, but it was the most intense moment I've had with the team so far. I'm the unit liaison; I don't go getting into the fray with the guys. I'm glad the guys and a bunch of cops were there to take him down.

Spence was looking at me and I tried to tell him with my eyes that everything was okay. I think he knew because he was very calm on the flight home.

We went to get coffee after the plane landed. We went to his place to drink it and talk. Actually, I was the one rambling on about the case and the two competing killers while Spence didn't say anything. He surprised me just like Halloween, by kissing me. I think I spilled coffee all over his carpet, but I'm a bit fuzzy on that part. Kissing him tends to make my brain shut down.

When he finally let me breathe again, I could see that same look in his eyes and I made him tell me what was wrong. He said that he loved me. I was stunned; I never thought I would hear him say that to me. I said I loved him too. He said he already knew that, and I said, "How did you know?" He said it was in my handwriting.

So of course I had to smack him for analyzing my handwriting. He only laughed and said that he needed every advantage with a pretty girl like me. So I asked him again, for the umpteenth time, why he looked so thoughtful. He said he wondered if I'd always love him or would I find someone else when the spark wore off. I told him the spark was always going to be there. He said "I hope so, Agent Jareau." Then he kissed me again and made me forget everything, again! Why does he always get the last word?


	31. Lessons Learned

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**_A/n thanks everyone for all your support of this story. Here's the next chapter._**

**_Lessons Learned_**

Thanksgiving is next week and I got my yearly call from Aunt Gina begging me to come home. I once again told her that it depended on work. She really wants to meet Spence and mother him. I made the mistake of telling her about his mother and her disease. So now she wants to cook him a big meal and subject him to all my cousins. There's a part of me that would like to take him to see them, just to see how he would react to all of the attention. But, even if he was ready to meet the family, he can't go this year. He already has plans to go see his mother.

I asked him if I could go with him and he said no. He said that bringing new people into his mother's life wasn't a good thing for her. She needed things to be the same and as normal as possible. I sort of met her at work, but Spence said she still thinks of team as some sort of Knights of the Round Table. Spence says that introducing me as his girlfriend would be too much for her. I tried not to feel bad, but I couldn't help it. Not for me but for him, I can't imagine how it must hurt him to have her in the institution and not be able to share his life and the people he loves with her.

At least we have each other and he's been much happier in the last weeks we've been going out. I'm so happy to see him more at ease with life. He's much more comfortable with our relationship. In fact, he's a bit too comfortable in that he teases me all the time about this journal. He can laugh all he wants to, I don't care. He better watch out, one of these days I'll find blackmail material and then he'll be sorry.

We have a new agent on the team. Her name is Emily Prentiss. Her abilities turned out very useful with the case we got. The DEA raided a home and found a dispersal device for some kind of bio-chemical weapon. Homeland Security called me and I got the team together with a message we intercepted in Arabic. Emily surprised us all with her translation of the text. She said she'd grown up in several different middle-eastern countries. Her mother is an Ambassador.

We traced the note to a detainee in Guantanamo Bay named Jind Allah. Hotch sent Gideon, Spence and Prentiss down there to talk to him as the interrogators there hadn't been able to get anything out of him. I was surprised at how much I didn't want Spence going down there. We talked for a brief moment before they all left and he assured me that he would be okay. I reminded him that trouble always finds him. He argued that nothing really bad had ever happened to him on the job and it wasn't likely to anytime soon. So I put on a happy face and said goodbye. It turned out that Guantanamo Bay was safer than Virginia, but that's for later.

So Spence and Emily helped Gideon by watching for verbal and non verbal clues during the interview. Gideon was making some progress with Allah when Garcia got another message about "the wedding," which was code for whatever attack they had planned. It turned out to be anthrax. We found another safe house for the cell, but when the guys got there, there was nothing to find. Thank God for Spence noticing the change in his body language when Gideon told him they didn't find anything. It was a trap and the building exploded, but not before Hotch and Morgan got out of the building. Unfortunately, a friend of Morgan's on the DEA was killed. Garcia was very upset and crying till she got through to Morgan on his cell. I wish he could see how she cares for him and return her feelings, but I don't think it'll ever happen.

We finally tricked Allah into giving the location of the attack, the big new mall in Mclean Va. The guys were able to stop it and get the remainder of the cell but it was terrifying for awhile.

Spence told me all about the trip to Gitmo when he got back. I had to hear a play by play accounting which was both annoying and cute at the same time. I'm just glad he wasn't with the guys when that trailer exploded. It was funny how upset he was by the "Gitmo Twist." He whined about how he'd been playing chess with Gideon and how he was winning finally when the tilting of the plane wrecked the game. For a genius, he's so damn competitive. I wonder if he was winning. I doubt it, but I decided to keep my doubts to myself. Maybe I'll ask Emily, I bet she was paying attention.

He seems to be pretty impressed with Emily and her abilities. So I had to tease him about her by making the comment that she's very beautiful and really smart. He got very red in the face but he says I'm the only one he notices. Still… I think someone has a bit of a crush. I don't care as long as he looks but doesn't touch. I think she thinks he's a little strange, but then we all reacted that way to him when we first met him.

Strange is good… especially when it comes to Spence.


	32. Sex, Birth and Death

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_**Sex, Birth and Death**_

Thanksgiving is over and I'm glad to be back. I missed Spence so much. It was good get back home and back to work. My Aunt and Uncle were disappointed that I didn't bring Spencer with me to visit with them. I told them once again that Spence was spending time with his mother. I had to explain to my aunt again that the holidays were the only time he gets to see her, and then only if we weren't busy with a case.

We had the usual large turkey dinner, put together by my Aunts and cousins. I stay out of the kitchen as I'm hopeless there and tend to burn things. I got the job of setting the table and clearing up with my two nephews after the meal was over.

My niece's baby is getting big. She's so adorable. Aunt Gina saw me holding and playing with her. She wanted to know when I was going to have a baby. Why does she think that I would? I wonder if Spencer's ever thought about having children. What am I saying…? Of course he hasn't thought about it. I need to get a hold on myself and stop thinking crazy things. We've barely started seeing each other.

Now I'm back at work and instead of a couple of slow days, we got thrown right into a case here in DC

Why can't we have one week without something gruesome and terrible happening? I guess it's job security. The day began as normal… I went into the office and began the usual search for a case for the team. I was on my way into the bullpen when Spence flew out of the elevator like someone had lit a fire in his shoes.

I attempted to say hello, but he blew by me like I was standing still. He wanted to know who my contact was on the DC PD. Apparently some high school kid approached him in the subway station asking about prostitutes getting killed. He knew enough about the details of the case to get the attention of the team.

Spence was really upset that he let this kid get away. What was he supposed to do, tackle the kid and drag him into the BAU in handcuffs? We didn't know at that time whether this young man was the one that killed the prostitutes.

Morgan and Prentiss went out to the streets to talk to the prostitutes in the area. Two of them recognized the boy as someone that watched them, but never approached them.

Hotch got a visit from Congresswoman Steyer who warned him not to call a press conference to talk about the killings. She wanted to announce that DC is crime free because of her anti-crime initiatives. I know that didn't go over well at all with the boss.

Garcia and Spence found the boy in the yearbook pictures of a local private school. His name is Nathan Harris. Morgan, Spence and Gideon went to talk to him at his home. They also brought him back to the BAU so he could be evaluated. It turned out that he approached Reid because he wanted help not to hurt anyone.

Another prostitute was killed while Nathan was in our custody, so we had to go back to the profile. I wanted to do a press conference, but Hotch told me no. He wasn't happy about Congresswoman Steyer's threats. She must be either brave or powerful to threaten Hotch. I wouldn't dare do that.

Gideon concluded from his evaluation that Nathan would eventually kill someone and Spence was very unhappy about it. He takes the problems of others on his shoulders all the time and suffers with them. I wish he… but then he wouldn't be who he is if he didn't.

Nathan left his house and his mother called us. Morgan and Spencer went looking for him and found him in a church just after another woman was killed. They brought him back to Quantico.

Hotch had me do a press conference in which he was the one that spoke to the reporters. He wanted to send a message to Karen Steyer. She came into the office and was pretty angry with him, but he got her to talk to some prostitutes we had brought into the office. They helped her identify a man from one of her committees who didn't feel that enough was being done to stop prostitution in the city. The guys eventually found him.

I had to deal with the press and the fallout of the Congresswoman's assertion that the city was crime free and the capture of a serial killer. For once in my life I didn't want to be anywhere other than with Spence. I pulled Garcia aside and begged her to take him out somewhere since I knew he'd just sit there and brood about everything.

The next thing I know, I'm called out to a motel where Nathan tried to commit suicide in front of a prostitute he'd hired. She had called Spence because Nathan left his card out like some kind of terrible suicide note. So it was Garcia and Reid that found him with his wrists cut. I had to deal with the press again, Don't those jackals ever turn off their scanners?

Spence was at my place with Gideon when I got home. Somehow Gideon always seems to know what Spence needs. There was blood all over his hands and his sweater vest. He kept muttering about how it'd never come out of the material, and he must have washed his hands ten times before he'd let me make him tea.

He's asleep now… I wouldn't take him home. There was no way he was going to be alone after that. He wouldn't go to sleep unless I lay down with him and held him. He was shaking like a leaf and it broke my heart. Why is the world so cruel to such a gentle soul? I have to finish this now, before he wakes up alone.

Please don't let anything else bad happen to him!


	33. Profiler, Profiled

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_**Profiler, Profiled**_

The last couple of weeks have been hard. It's been bad timing all around, first Spence has to deal with Nathan Harris and his almost suicide, and then he has to deal with seeing his mother in Bennington. He was very quiet for the last few days and I didn't know how to help him.

Then, my friend Jackie called me. She was back in town again and wanted to double date. She has a new boyfriend. I wonder how long it will last. She's still obsessed with her career. Anyway, his name is Michael and it turns out he's a huge fan of magic. So they had tickets to a magic show at a little club called "Sleight of Hand," and that's where we went for our double date. The magic show was a bit amateurish, and I had to endure Spence telling me how most of the tricks were done, but it made him smile, so it was okay. Then, the Great Stephan, called for a volunteer and Spence went up to help with a trick. He was so psyched about it afterwards. It was so good to hear him laugh again.

Jackie called me the next day and teased me for a solid half-hour about Spencer. I told her to shut up, that we weren't in high school anymore. She just laughed and wanted to know when Spence was going to make me an honest woman. She has a lot of room to talk.

So, the next day we were working, or playing around since Spence had to demonstrate his 'physics magic' for me and Garcia. He's so serious about keeping the mechanics of the trick secret that I couldn't help but laugh, especially when the first 'rocket' hit Emily on the head when she walked into the bullpen. Then the second one almost hit Hotch. He got after Spence for playing the trick in the office, but I know he was just pretending to be really mad.

It turned out to be the last bit of fun we were going to have for a couple of days as Morgan got arrested for murder in Chicago. He was there visiting his mother for her birthday when a young boy was found dead. The lead detective was sure that it was Morgan. He even turned Gideon's profile against Morgan to make it fit his suspicions.

The worst part was Gideon making me and Garcia look into Morgan's past. He had a criminal record as a teen that got expunged and sealed. The director of the Youth Center that Morgan went to as a kid, Carl Buford, wrote a letter to the judge that got his record expunged.

Spence and Emily went to see Morgan's family and to see Buford. Spence said Morgan's family is really nice people. He said that Morgan's sister told him that Morgan talks about Spence to his family. I think it was really flattering for Spencer as he sort of looks up to Morgan like a big brother.

The lead detective wouldn't listen to reason, especially when Morgan escaped their custody. Hotch knew where to find him and he knew what had happened to Morgan as a kid. I almost can't write it because it's so surreal and so terrible at the same time. Morgan was molested as a teenager by Buford and it was Buford that killed the kid the cops found and two others over the last fifteen years. Morgan was the one that found the first body which put him on the detective's radar. I guess Carl Buford has been molesting kids for years.

God… sometimes I hate this job. It's like you don't have any privacy. Morgan is a very private person and it's not right we should have found out about this the way we did. It was his decision to tell us or not to tell us. I hate that detective!

Well… the good news is that the Christmas holidays are coming up and I'm staying in Virginia with Spencer. Hey… I think this year I'll make him help me shop for everyone. I'm sure he'll love that!


	34. No Way Out: Part 1

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_**No Way Out: Part 1 **_

Christmas was great this year, because I got to spend it with Spence, and we didn't get interrupted with a case. I made him go Christmas shopping with me. He still claims that he hated every minute of it, but he forgets that I was there, and I saw how excited he was when I found a shop specializing in magic tricks. He loved the magic kit I bought for him.

Spence bought me a pair of earrings that were shaped like little golden butterflies. They're so beautiful. I never would have believed he could pick something out that was so special, but I underestimated him just like everyone else. I feel really bad about that and I'm going to make sure I don't doubt him again.

It's only been seventeen days since the New Year and we were faced with our greatest challenge so far. The team got called to Nevada. Some remains of a body were found off of I-80. They connected with remains found there ten years ago. In fact, this un-sub's career went back thirty years.

The team went to Golconda Nevada and I stayed back at Quantico to help Garcia sort through all the names and locations of the disappearances. There were so many, it made my stomach turn. We mapped them all out. After the analysis of the bodies found in Nevada, we determined that they'd been drugged with Ketamine. He'd paralyze them and then cut off their limbs while they were still alive.

The sheriff of Golconda led the team to a woman called Jane. She told Gideon, Emily and Spence a story about how an alien had abducted her one night. Of course it was her way of coping with getting kidnapped by a psycho. Apparently she didn't show any fear so he let her go. Then he decided he was in love with her and kept coming back all those years to see her.

This time, we caught up with him so he decided that he wanted to take her with him. He kidnapped the sheriff while after Jane, but Spence, Emily and Hotch found her alive thank God.

Spence told me after they got back that he'd never seen anything like the un-sub's trailer. He said it made his blood run cold. Emily told me all about his lecture on love chemicals. I think I'll take chocolate over peas any day. But, I'll have to remember that for future reference.

The un-sub, or Frank, had kidnapped the children of the town and left them stranded in the desert before Morgan and Gideon caught up with him in the diner. He wanted Jane and used them to get her. He claimed to be in love with her and she thinks she loves him. Emily said it was creepy to see them together

Frank made Gideon take him and Jane to the desert and let them go before he'd tell him where the kids were. Gideon found the kids, but Frank and Jane disappeared, literally. They just walked into the desert and their footprints just stopped. We still don't know how they got away. I've never seen Gideon so upset. I can't say as I blame him. Frank is dangerous and who knows what he'll do now. Gideon said that Frank said he won't kill as long as he has Jane. I have to go with the team on this one, he will kill again, and he won't be able to stop.

When I got back to apartment after endless paperwork from the case, I found a champagne bottle chilling in a bucket on the kitchen counter, and Spence sitting on my couch with a box of chocolates on the coffee table. He said there was a new can of peas in the cabinet in the kitchen if we needed it.

So did we need it? Nope, the can is still in the cabinet and Spence is sleeping. I think I'll go wake him up.


	35. The Big Game and Revelations

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_**The Big Game and Revelations**_

I don't know how to start. I don't know what to do… Oh God… How did this happen? It's my fault! I should have stayed with him. I should have stopped him. How did it happen? Why…

He's asleep… There's a cast on his foot, and IVs infusing his arms. And the head wound while it's bad, it looks much worse then it is. He's alive and his mind is still intact, no thanks to that son of a bitch. The doctor said that he's dehydrated.

I haven't talked to him since we found him. He wouldn't look at me after we got him in the ambulance. He looked so guilty and as young as eight years old.

God… I wish I had pulled the trigger on Tobias Henkel. All I could do is kill a pack of killer dogs. It should have been me. It's too much, damn it. It's too much… He has to be okay… I can't live without him. Please God, make him be okay…

Hotch came in an hour ago and tried to make me leave. I won't leave… I don't care what they do to me. I don't care if I lose my job.

I hate this place… I don't want to be here with Spence. I want to go home. Why won't they let me take him home?

I have to tell it! I have to tell it because I can't stand to have it running through my brain. How does he do it? How can he stand to see a crime scene or a photo and know it will be in his head forever?

Start at the beginning, I have to start at the beginning. Everything was going to be alright. We all got together at our favorite pub to watch the Super Bowl. I can't believe that everything is gone, that everything has changed in just a few days. I can still see Spence smiling at Morgan and Garcia flirting, or how happy Hotch looked with Haley.

We separated after the game because some of the regulars challenged me to darts. Spence is terrible at darts, so he went to find his friends. I should have stayed with him. What's a stupid game of darts compared to what happened next.

After winning a game, I got a phone call about a new case. I couldn't resist messing up Spence's hair when I walked by the table. His friends love to tease him about me, so I had to give them a reason. I wish I could've ignored the phone. I wish the other team had caught this case. I wish…

We went to Georgia. Someone was killing people and putting their murders on the internet. It was some kind of religious freak. The guys thought it was a killing team. Oh God… I wish it had been instead of what it was.

Hotch sent Spence and I to talk to Tobias Henkel after a young woman was torn apart by that maniac's dogs. We thought we were going to talk to a witness, but it turned out that Tobias Henkel was the un-sub. He had multiple personalities. One of them was his father Charles and the other was Rafael. We didn't know that though till later. Spence left me to go around the back of this barn. I went inside and found the dogs. They attacked me and I had to kill them all.

Spence was taken by Tobias while I was dealing with the dogs. I didn't know he was gone because I was so afraid, I couldn't leave the barn. I let him take my Spence away. I should have tried harder to stop it. I shouldn't let my fear get to me. I almost shot Morgan and Prentiss when the team got there. They asked me where he was and I couldn't remember what happened for a minute. I didn't know my arm was bitten. I didn't understand what was happening.

The only thing we could do was look over Tobias' home for clues. We found his dead father in the cellar, his body preserved with ice. God… it was creepy. He had journals that he'd written in his father's handwriting. There were quotes from the bible all over the walls. There was a whole bank of computers to go through so we brought Garcia out to help us.

I could see the agony in her eyes when she came in the door. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, the tears wouldn't come. I let her cry for me. I had to keep it together. I went with Emily to talk to Tobias' sponsor. He had a problem with Dilaudid, we discovered, which didn't help the situation at all.

I almost shot Emily too… I was in the bathroom and I thought the dogs were behind me again. Will I ever hear a barking dog and not think of this day. I don't know what to do. I tried to get Morgan to admit that I was the one the messed up. He told me I'd have to figure it out. I wanted to be blamed and I wanted to be off the hook too and he wouldn't do it. I hated him for that!

The killer let us see Spence over the internet. He was badly beaten. Tobias made him pick the next person to die. Spence tried to fight him, but it didn't help, he forced Reid to pick someone. The guys went to the new scene, but it was too late.

I made Garcia let me look at the video of the most recent murders. I was very mean to her about it. She still tried to talk me out of it. She didn't understand I had to be able to watch it. It was horrible, but I did it.

Gideon made Garcia take the feed off the internet. She said she couldn't, but he kept after her till she said she could put the word out that there was a virus in the feed. Then it was just us watching him hurt Spence. Spence gave us clues - even though he was hurt, he gave us clues.

He died… Tobias killed him… He was dead for several minutes. I wanted to die too. I wanted to go find Tobias and make him kill me too. He was there all alone with that psycho, and he died. Tobias brought him back. I don't know why, but he did CPR and brought him back.

He tried to make Spence chose which one of us to kill. Spence said he wouldn't choose, so Rafael pulled the trigger. There was no shot. He asked again, and Spence said no. The whole team was in agony, I could feel it all around me like thick blanket trying to smother us all. I don't know how I didn't break down and cry. I thought I was going drown in the pain of watching. Then I was just angry… I wanted him to pick one of us, even if it was me. I knew that Tobias couldn't get to us and I was angry that Spencer let Rafael do that to him. Then there was only fear as Rafael kept pulling the trigger. I kept flinching, thinking that the gun would go off, but it never did until after Spencer picked Hotch to die and then the bullet went into the wall.

We got more clues because of Spencer's choice and the fact that he misquoted a bible verse. Hotch found the correct verse and it led us to the cemetery where Tobias was keeping him. We had to go through the woods in the dark with flashlights. I only held it together knowing that Tobias was going to kill him, this time for real if we didn't find him.

When the gunshot echoed through the trees, I thought it was over. I thought he was dead and we were too late. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. But, it was okay, he killed Tobias, it was all okay. He hugged Hotch and then I hugged him and said I was sorry. He let me off the hook. He shouldn't have let me off the hook. It's my fault…

I don't know what's going to happen now. He's so white and still… Please let him wake up. I know things will never be the same, but I don't care right now. I just want to see his eyes and hear his voice. Please let him wake up and talk again.


	36. Fear and Loathing

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**_Fear and Loathing_**

It was Spencer's first case back after Georgia. I haven't spoken to him in three days. He took a plane out to Las Vegas. He wouldn't tell me what he did out there except that he went to see his mother. He said she was doing okay and that was it.

I got back a week ago after spending a couple of weeks with my family in Pennsylvania at Hotch's orders. My Aunt Gina was very glad to mother me for two weeks. She and Uncle Charlie tried to get me to tell them about what happened, but I couldn't talk about it, except the tell her that Spencer wasn't talking to me.

The psych for the FBI said that both Spence and I were ready to come back to work. I wonder if Spencer is ready. After all, he's smart; he could fool the doctor with no problem. He didn't call me for two days before coming back and in the two weeks we were separated, we spoke three times. I tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer his phone. I just want to help him, but how can I help if he won't talk to me.

The problem is the same thing it always is. I made him promise to meet me for lunch and then I get a call from the Mayor of Westchester in New York. It appeared that they had a hate crime on their hands. Three black girls and one white guy had been killed. There were swastikas painted on the faces of the girls and hate graffiti on the guy's car.

Spence didn't say anything during the briefing. He looked like he was very upset. I wanted to help, but I had to do my job. God, sometimes I hate this job and the things it does to us. Then we were on the plane and he was the one to figure out that a note sent to the latest victim was from a teenage girl, not a male unsub. He was starting to sound like himself again, so I quit watching him so closely.

There was a Reverend in the town that was on the television ranting about blacks, and hate crimes, and the police not doing anything. The guys figured out pretty quickly that they weren't hate crimes, but that we had a black serial killer on our hands. I had to try to go talk some sense into the Reverend and get him to stop calling for the black community to do something.

I set up a tip line and dealt with the press and the Mayor. The lead Detective's name was Weir and he had the guts to go against the mayor and tell the press that the man we were looking for was black. The mayor said he'd never heard of a black serial killer, but Hotch reminded him that they did exist even if they are rare.

The whole thing was a powder keg ready to blow up if we didn't move carefully. I got a tip about a black sedan that was seen close to the home of the last victim. Morgan and Weir went out together to patrol and some trigger happy white guy shot and killed the detective, who was black. It was terrible for Morgan, who had to watch him bleed to death. The man had a wife and two children. The man who killed him has a family too. Now there's two more families ruined, and for what, the sick needs of a serial killer.

Why does the question of race matter so much? It's something that Morgan said to me after we caught the guy. Martin Luther King said that he dreamed of a world where is children would be judged by the content of their characters and not the color of their skin. How long will it be till the color of your skin is a non-issue? Will it ever happen or will we always find an excuse to hate each other?

We did find a witness who had been approached by our un-sub. She was a singer like all the girls the man had killed. He used a ruse that he would record them in his studio. She didn't fall for it and told him no. She knew who he was before he offered to record her and with Garcia's help we found him.

He'd taken another girl, but she got away from him after he'd drugged her. The guys picked him up and saved her when he nearly got a cop to believe she was his niece that he was supposed to take care of.

I wanted to talk to Spence on the plane, but he got into to a game with Morgan. I left him alone because my Aunt said that I can't make him talk to me. She said that there's a time you have to step back and let someone come to you. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing.


	37. Distress

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_**Distress**_

I went to lunch with Angie this afternoon. She's so happy with Curtis. It made me angry to see how happy she was when everything has gone so terribly wrong. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy for my friends, but it's like there is this veil that's come between Spence and me, and I can't find a way to cross it.

Then, as we were leaving the restaurant, I ran into Henry of all people. He was with some little blond with a bad hairdo and muddy blue eyes. She sneered at me when he stopped me to say hello. What is it with guys that they have a type and they can't seem to see other girls? It's a good thing women aren't that way.

Also, I ran into Emily who was having lunch with an old friend from college. She happened to see me running into Henry. After we got back to Quantico, she was asking me all about the Reid look-a-like. I told her to back off and she said, I was just teasing you. Morgan happened into the break room and wanted to know why we were glaring at each other. I told him to mind his own business too.

So… after I managed to piss off half the team, we had a briefing the next day. I called Spence this morning, but he didn't answer the phone. I was going to go over there, but the call came in from Houston Texas. The cops alerted me to three men that all had their necks broken. I was in the middle of the briefing when Spence showed up. He looked terrible and everyone was staring at him.

We bounced around a few ideas about what might be happening in Houston. Spence was a bit sarcastic about the challenge that we had which surprised me. He's never sarcastic about a case. It was like he didn't care.

On the plane Emily offered to help Spencer with the geographical profile and he practically jumped down her throat in front of everyone. Hotch had to get after him and Hotch never has to do that with Spence. I was embarrassed for him. I wanted to ask him what his problem was, but we had too much to do. I had to do my job. I promised myself I was going to corner him after the case was over.

Gideon and Morgan went to the latest crime scene at a construction sight. The last victim was the security guard. One of the parents of the kids that were there vandalizing the place brought her son to talk to Gideon and the detective we're working with, but the kid didn't see anything that happened after the guard chased them off. Morgan found a little cubby-hole in the structure where someone was living.

I brought cookies into Emily and Spencer that one of the cops' wives made for us. Spencer went nuts about the noise of the construction going on outside. Gideon sent Emily and Spence to check the shelters. Emily said "You okay with that Reid." I could tell she was past the point of taking his crap. I thought they might have a full blown confrontation, but then Spencer backed down and they left. Why won't he tell me what's bothering him. I just want to help.

Then this guy killed another construction worker. Gideon and Morgan found another "nest," in the bottom of the sewer. I guess Morgan had to go down and check it out. All that he found was the nest and a lovely smell.

The big problem was if the killer is homeless, how did her learn to kill like that? Then he attacked a local store owner, but the guy was saved by his daughter showing up before the man could kill him. She was so cute, and so small, to have to deal with something like that. Is there no safe place for anyone anymore? She told Emily that the man looked at her like he was sad and he asked her if she was okay. She gave us a description of the man.

Garcia found an SOS on the top of a building and because of the noise from the construction that Spence pointed out, we realized he was a war veteran suffering from PTSD. He thought he was in a war zone and killing enemy soldiers.

His name was Roy Woodridge. He never came home after work one day. His wife came in with a friend of his who was also in combat.

He told us about their time in Somalia. Apparently Roy killed a young boy that had a machine gun pointed at his friend. He was just a child. Roy never got over it. Now the guy was reliving the memory and we had to use his friend to contact him and get him to agree to meet with his friend. We had to use SWAT and I knew it could go bad.

His wife talked to me as a lot of the families of victims do. She wanted me to promise to help her husband. I had to tell her that her husband killed people. She talked about losing him fourteen years ago and living with a ghost. She looked so lost and in so much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I had to do whatever I could to help Spence. I don't know what is bothering him, but I have to do something or he'll just slip away from all of us.

Roy's friend and Gideon tried to talk him into coming out, but the construction work made him think he was getting shot at. They were so close, but then a boy on a bike entered the area. SWAT didn't have any choice they had to take the shot. God it was terrible! He was just a man that wanted to go home, someone trapped in his own mind.

I just got off the phone with Spencer… He said he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him. I tried to argue. I threatened to go down to see him. He said he didn't want to see me. I went to his apartment anyway, but he wouldn't open the door. I threatened to call Morgan to come kick it in. He said go ahead. There was such hopelessness in his voice. I left, but I'm going back! This isn't over. I won't let it be over.


	38. Jones

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_**Jones**_

Angela called me from Pennsylvania. She and Michael were going to be back in town and she wanted to get together with Spence and me. She was going on, and on, about a concert she was sure that we'd all love. When I finally got a word in edgewise, I told her that Spence and I were having problems. Of course she assumed that it was my fault and began lecturing me about putting my career first. That's rich- she's the one that lives for her career.

So now that I've pissed off another friend, I have to try to figure out what to do with Spence. I went back to his place last night and got in a screaming fight with him. It was terrible. He said that we should spend time apart. He said that he didn't want to talk about Georgia, or anything that's happened since we got back. I came home and cried for an hour. I hate to cry! Why won't he talk to me? I just want to help. I don't want to spend time apart. I want to deal with what happened. I want to talk to him about the nightmares I've been having about rabid dogs. I want to tell him about how I always wake up just before one of them rips my throat out. I want to be held so I don't feel so afraid.

We went to New Orleans… A serial killer had operated there around the time of Hurricane Katrina. A detective William La Montaigne Jr. called me. His father worked the case, and was killed by the Hurricane. It was going to be very difficult because the bodies of the first two victims were washed away, along with all the evidence. The fact that a year and a half had passed between the first three, and the new victim, was unusual according to the team.

While we were on the plane Spence started talking to Morgan about an old friend named Ethan. Apparently they were big rivals in Las Vegas, competing in everything until it came time to join the FBI. Spence said he backed out the first day. Emily made some joke about Spencer's friend not being able to take the heat. So Spence jumped down her throat again. Why does he keep doing that? I thought he was getting along ok with Prentiss till Georgia happened. I wanted to tell him to back off, but I didn't want to do it in front of the team.

When we got to New Orleans and met Det. La Montaigne, I was a bit surprised. He was a lot cuter than I thought and his accent was to die for. He flirted with me right from the start. I have to admit that it was nice to be treated like I was special and attractive.

Emily and Spencer went to talk to the coroner about the last victim. It looked like the guy had medical training because of the precision of the cuts and stab wounds.

We went with Det. La Montaigne to his father's house. His father had carved the word "Jones," into the wall of his house as his last dying act. It had to mean something. Det. La Montaigne is really upset about all of this. I found myself drawn to trying to help him. At least he asked for help!

The killer sent his father a letter and it was forwarded to his son. It was Spence who figured out that the killer was trying to emulate Jack the Ripper. We had another body to deal with the next morning. He was found in an alleyway, slashed to pieces. All the victims had had a lot to drink, it was the only common thing we had so far.

The guys gave the profile to the police. Spence wasn't with us, and I had no idea where he went. Garcia called us with a similar case in Galveston Texas. Morgan and Emily went to see about it. They were supposed to take Spencer with them, but apparently he ignored Emily's call. He never made it on the plane with them.

I ended up in a bar with Det. La Montaigne. He was drinking and flirting with me. He asked me why I wasn't married. I got a little flustered and I was actually a little jealous when another woman bought him a drink. I didn't even think about Spencer until later. I was thinking later on, why did I let the detective get to me like that? I'm supposed to be in love with Spencer. I don't understand why I acted like that.

I didn't have time to figure it out because we determined that the killer was a woman. I wanted to do a press conference and Det. La Montaigne didn't want me to do it. I had to pull rank on the guy. I felt better about that, than flirting with him.

We finally found the connection to a bar that used to be called "Jones." Det. La Montaigne's dad had a partner and they responded to a disturbance at the bar during Mardi Gras. His father's partner was a real piece of work. He didn't believe the woman's accusation of rape, said she deserved it. Det. La Montaigne finally had to threaten him with sanctions to get the name of the "good boy," that she accused.

Emily and I got the dubious honor of talking to this jackass. He said she just got what she deserved. I thought for a minute that Emily might jump over the table and deck him. I decided I'd hold him down if she did. What is wrong with some men?

Her name was Sarah Dalen. We found her in a motel with her next victim. The guys got her before she hurt him too badly. Hotch said that Det. La Montaigne was the one to convince her to put down the knife. After it was over, I found myself talking to him. I told him his father would be proud of him. I also gave him my number. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because he'd be so far away, I'd never have to see him again if I didn't want to.

We went home and I went to my apartment instead of back to the office. I was sitting on the couch crying when someone knocked on the door. It was Spence. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to let him in, but he looked so lost.

He sat me down and told me how he missed the plane in New Orleans on purpose. He said that he was struggling with continuing on at the Bureau, but he'd talked to Gideon about it and he wanted to try and go on with the job. He told me how much he loved me and he didn't want to lose me because of what happened in Georgia.

I felt so stupid and guilty for what I did in New Orleans, encouraging Det. La Montaigne. Now he has my number. What am I going to do about that? Can I trust Spence not to push me away again? Is he going to tell me what else is bothering him? Have I messed things up with him?


	39. Ashes to Dust

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**_Ashes to Dust_**

I don't know if everything is ok, or if I'm fooling myself. In the last week, Spencer has almost been back to normal. We talk to each other on the phone every day, and we go out and do the kinds of things we used to do together. He's very attentive and kind, but there are times when I look in his eyes I can see something is wrong. It's something other than PTSD.

He won't get close to me anymore. I try to kiss him and he always turns away. He doesn't want to make love either. Not that the physical part of our relationship is the most important thing. I just want to be close and he keeps pulling away. I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him anymore and I'm afraid he'll tell me we have to stop seeing each other. Maybe I should talk to Garcia. She always knows what's bothering him.

We had to go to San Francisco a couple of days ago. There was a serial arsonist there that killed two families by trapping them in their burning houses. There was one survivor of the latest fire, Charlotte Cutler. We had to talk to her to find out if there was anything she could tell us about what happened to her family.

Reid was back to spouting off facts, but he stopped in the middle of one such tangent and Emily asked him, "what, no statistics?' He said. "I'm trying to be more conversational." She said "It isn't working." I know Emily isn't petty, but I think she was trying to show him that his recent behavior and sarcasm weren't appreciated.

We separated when we got there, Gideon and Morgan went to the Cutlers' home and I went to the police station with Reid. Emily and Hotch went to the hospital. Hotch was able to get Mrs. Cutler to give him more information about that night, such as the fact that the water was turned off for a short time before they went to bed. Emily told me later that Mrs. Cutler didn't know her husband and child were dead. I know Emily felt really bad that they lied to Mrs. Cutler about her family. Hotch stayed with her till she died. He always looks so stern, but I could see how it cut his heart out to witness her death.

Reid was back to his clumsy self. He was completely stoked by the fact that the precinct has an Espresso machine. The detective I was working with wasn't that impressed with his profile and I couldn't resist giving him a little grief about it too. I'm trying not to act like anything is wrong.

Garcia always comes through for us. She found the only connection to the victims was a list they were on of companies guilty of environmental crimes. The group was called Earth Defense Front an environmental activists group. They burned an SUV dealership in another city and had a bit of a reputation as eco-terrorists.

Another family was killed while we were talking about the EDF. The killer trapped them in their car, set it on fire and then it exploded. It was terrible… How can anyone do that to children?

Gideon, Emily and Hotch talked to the leader of the EDF. He didn't know anything about it. Emily thought that maybe the un-sub joined the EDF because he thought it might be an arsonist club, instead of a peaceful activist group.

Emily and Hotch tailed the leader of the EDF and he was acting really strange like packing up his stuff. They followed him to a meeting of the EDF and took pictures of everybody that was there. We knew the arsonist was there and what kind of car he drives, but not what he looked like. Mr. Abbey disbanded the chapter. He must have denounced the arsonist because the un-sub threw a Molotov cocktail at some poor guy on the street. He was killed.

The guys ended up talking to Mr. Abbey, telling him about the profile. Emily and Hotch found out that Mr. Abbey has terminal cancer, leukemia. He helped us find Vincent Stiles. The guys and Emily busted into his house, but he wasn't there.

The whole thing ended at a warehouse in the harbor district where Abbey went to meet Stiles to apologize about ticking him off. Abbey wanted to set his own fire. The building had benzene leaking under it. The problem was that you can't put out benzene with water, you have to let it burn. Abbey wanted to die and he wanted to take the killer with him when he did. The guys weren't able to stop it and Hotch was out of his mind from what Morgan told me later. God I hate what this job does to us. Have I said that lately?

Emily came to me after we got home. She said that Reid said something in a briefing that disturbed her. He was talking about junkies, and getting their fixes, and how they can't stop without help. I asked her what she meant. She said, just talk to Reid. She said I would understand. How can I do that when he won't confide in me?


	40. Honor Among Theives

_**A/n see my profile**_

**_A/n this is very short, mostly because in my opinion this episode is the worst of all four years. _**

_**Honor Among Thieves. **_

My Aunt called two days ago. She put me through the third degree about Spencer. She said that she wanted to know how he was doing and how things are between us. I wanted desperately to tell her everything. I love my Aunt, she raised me, but I love Spence too and I don't know what to tell her that won't make her suspicious of the kind of person he is. He's a good man with a lot of problems. I want my family to like him for the person that I fell in love with, but I don't know if that person exists anymore.

We had a very strange case that was brought to us by Emily's mother, Ambassador Prentiss. It was the kidnapping of a Russian man in Baltimore. The kidnappers had cut off his finger and threatened to mail him home in pieces if the family didn't pay the ransom.

I don't think Hotch or Gideon, or any of the team appreciated getting dragged into this because of Emily's mother, but we did our job. Gideon, Morgan and Reid went to Baltimore. I got to stay at Quantico and comfort the wife of the kidnapped man. Here I have a stack of work on my desk and I'm patting the shoulder of this woman. Okay… I know that was unfeeling, but…

Anyway the whole thing seemed to be a waste of time. Ambassador Prentiss helped by getting Garcia into the Russian banks. If it wasn't for her, we wouldn't have figured out that this whole thing was about a mob leader trying to help his son that wasn't supposed to exist. He was supposed to renounce family under the rules of the thieves' code, but he sort of gave him a job by paying the ransom for all of these kidnap victims.

The daughter of the man we were trying to find was in on the whole thing. She was in love with the son of the mob leader and helped kidnap her own father. And I thought I had family issues. Anyway now they're both dead and the father is in the hospital with a missing ear and finger.

Emily went to dinner with her mother and as she told me this morning, they may be mending some of their relationship. I'm glad for her. It made me want to talk to my Aunt Gina again, so I called her and I told her about everything that happened and all the things I was feeling and thinking about Spencer. She really surprised me by getting my Uncle Charlie on the extension in his office. They both said that I had to talk to Spencer and do whatever it took to make things right. Uncle Charlie said that he still expected to meet Spence one of these days. He said that he could see that Spence makes me happy and that I should fight to hold onto that.

Maybe that Russian guy had it right. Maybe family is more important than business. I know that I want Spence to be a part of my family. I don't know how to start… Maybe I should go talk to Hotch. I think he knows that something is going on. I'll do it tomorrow.


	41. Open Season

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_**Open Season**_

Garcia called me this afternoon. She and Emily were going to the local sports bar we like and she wanted me to go with them for a girl's night out. We went to a bar and had a couple of beers. There was a man named Brad at the bar that was really into Emily. He told us all about how he was a real FBI agent. Of course we knew the guy was lying to us, but we pretended to believe him till we couldn't stand the charade anymore. Then we showed him our badges. You should have seen the look on his face. I was just beginning to enjoy myself when we got the call to go into the office.

We went to Idaho where people were being found dead in the middle of the Boise National Forrest. Emily told us about her grandfather that lived in the French Alps for the last ten years of his life. For a couple of minutes, it sounded so great to be in place where you were totally away from civilization.

We split up on the plane. Morgan told Reid he'd go to Idaho with Gideon and Emily. Hotch, Reid and I went to Spokane. We talked to Sheriff Raymond Shaffer. He was pretty young and cute, and he'd just got promoted. It was his first death notification. I had to coach him through it. It was hell, just like notifications always are for police and the FBI. Mr. Harrison was so broken up that despite the Sheriff saying no tears - I saw the tears in his eyes. He sort of reminded me of Spence and how he always has so much empathy for the victims of the crimes we have to face.

It was Gideon, with Reid's help that determined that the people were being hunted with a bow and arrow like wild animals. Another woman went missing, her name is Bobbi Baird and she was supposed to meet a friend in Washington. Her friend came in and told us she'd missed her appointment. The problem was finding her in three million acres of wilderness.

As usual, Garcia found us a list of sporting good and hunting supply shops. Hotch and Reid got the name of two brothers that were good suspects, Johnny and Peter. Their uncle raised them when their parents died. They owned a service station on Highway 2. We went there and found Bobbi Baird's car along with many more in the back. We also found drivers licenses in the home that showed the killing started with their uncle.

Gideon, Emily, and Morgan found two missing hikers that had been killed. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The guys figured that Bobbi went to them for help. There were two other hikers that ran with her and were killed. We almost didn't need to save Bobbi. She's a tough woman that Emily said she wouldn't want to cross. She took out the younger brother by stabbing him with a hunting knife. Then she lured the older one away and stabbed him too. Morgan and Emily had to shoot him because he tried to kill Bobbi anyway.

At least it's over now… I sat next to Spence on the plane for the first time in a long time. He was pretending to read a magazine and I was watching him. I did talk to Hotch. He thinks Spencer is abusing Dilaudid. I spent the whole flight trying to see the signs, but I couldn't see it on the outside. I wanted to think that Hotch was wrong, or overreacting, but I couldn't make it seem right in my head, because something is wrong.

The doctors in Georgia told us Reid had been drugged, but we had no idea that he might have become addicted to the Dilaudid. I told Hotch I was going to talk to him about it. Hotch told me that Spence might not admit that anything was wrong even though he thought that Spence had been asking for help during our case in Houston.

When the plane landed I asked him to meet me at my place. He agreed and suddenly I was really nervous. I felt like I was about to do an intervention, alone. We got there and as soon as we walked in the door, my personal cell phone rang. I didn't think anything of taking it in front of Spencer till I realized it was Det. La Montaigne.

I left the room to take it in the kitchen. I just wanted to get him off the phone. I told him that giving him my number was a mistake and that I'd appreciated if he didn't contact me again. Spencer was gone when I got back to the living room. He didn't even let me explain what happened. I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. I went to his apartment but he wasn't there. I didn't know where to find him. I sit here and I write this and I don't know where to find him. It's my fault! I shouldn't have let that detective charm me. What was I thinking? Yeah, it was easier to think of someone without some much baggage, but doesn't that make me a fair weather friend if I walk away?


	42. Legacy

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_**Legacy**_

I finally found Spencer at home. He didn't want to open the door for me, but I told him I'd call Hotch and Morgan to kick it in. He let me in, but he wasn't happy about it. He looked horrible. I apologized about the call from Det. La Montaigne. I told him all about why I gave the detective my number in the first place. We argued, and shouted at each other, till a neighbor threatened to call the police.

He finally admitted that he's dealing with some issues. He asked me to please just let him handle it. I told him that I couldn't do it. He begged me for one week and after that I could tell Hotch or the director himself if I wanted to. Of course I fell for it. How can I say no to those eyes? They should be declared a lethal weapon.

I was facing a huge stack of paperwork that morning, so I went in early and tackled it. I was in the middle of it all when someone knocked on my door. It was a guy with red hair and a nervous manner that sort of reminded me of Spencer. Maybe that's why I did what I did next. He said his name was Det. McGee from Kansas City. He wanted the team to look into some missing persons among the homeless population.

I tried to explain to him that I needed to see his files. He said he didn't have files on them. All he had where several little note books with names and descriptions. I thought he was mistaken, because the homeless move around all the time. Then he told me that there were sixty-three people missing and I couldn't ignore that.

I got the team together and they were very skeptical about it. Gideon and Hotch said we couldn't get involved because we hadn't been invited by the locals. I convinced Hotch that we had to do something. It was sixty three people, someone had to help. He agreed to fly down with me and Det. McGee.

Det. McGee was a bit strange. He had a thing about his notebooks and would play with them and keep them in these neat little stacks. Hotch said he probably has OCD. So then I felt stupid for believing in him when he could be mentally unstable. Hotch said he agreed to come see about this case because someone that he highly respected encouraged him. It made me feel good to hear that. I know that Hotch values all of us, but he rarely tells you so in words. It's nice to hear it once in awhile.

Of course when we got to the precinct, Det. McGee's captain wasn't happy to see us. McGee basically lied that he had the approval of his captain to see us. Hotch went to speak with his captain and I stayed the detective to try and get more information about the case.

Det. McGee's desk was the neatest and cleanest I've ever seen. He told me that his father was a police officer killed in the line of duty when he was a kid. I complimented him on becoming a detective after only four years. He told me that they promoted him to keep him away from the general public.

I watched Hotch argue with McGee's captain and I saw how Det. McGee cares for the homeless people of his city. He may have his problems, but he's a kind man. So I was happy to realize that the letter McGee received from our un-sub came across state lines. We could take over the investigation and we did. Of course we had to deal with his Captain who never really believed there was a problem.

The team came out from Quantico and that night we went around talking to most of the people McGee knew on the streets. We couldn't figure out how this guy, that the team called a house cleaner, could be snatching these people.

The captain was really upset when we didn't find anyone until Morgan noticed a van from Social Services parked near a homeless woman he'd been talking to. He asked the Captain if Social Services made trips out see the homeless on the street. The captain said no so in typical Morgan fashion he ran after the woman and stopped the driver when he tried to leave. We asked the driver for ID and he tried to drive away. Morgan jumped on to the truck and grabbed the wheel from the open window. The van crashed into a fence. One of these days Morgan's going to get hurt or killed if he isn't more careful

Anyway, I might have to hurt him myself after he explained to me, how Hotch told him and Emily, that all the prostitutes they talked to propositioned Spence. He thought it was hysterically funny. I reminded him that I carry a gun. He laughed.

Anyway… the driver of the truck was the house cleaner's partner. He would pick up the people and take them to this abandoned slaughter house where this sick creep had this maze of torture all set up. The guys got there in time to save his last victim, a young prostitute. She was badly hurt, but she'll be okay.

After we got back to Quantico, Gideon invited all of us to watch these old Charlie Chaplin movies he had set up on a projector. We had candy and popcorn and it was so much fun, especially throwing said popcorn at Spence's head. He looked happy for the first time in months. So I promised myself I'd let him have his week to get his head together and then we're going to have a talk.


	43. No Way Out: Part 2

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_**A/n hello all... Here is the last chapter of this story. I never intended this to go past the second season because of JJ's pregnancy. Thank you all for support and your faithful reviews. Thanks to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC who keeps me honest and my work free of all the errors that happen with my typing skills.**_

_**No Way Out: Part Two **_

The past always comes back to haunt you. It came back in several ways this week. The first thing that happened was that I cornered Spencer at his place. His time for hiding was over. He even agreed with me when I knocked on his door.

He sat me down and started to talk, telling me everything that happened to him with Tobias that we didn't see. He told me about how the drugs brought back vivid childhood memories of his mother. He said he remembered his father leaving and having to put his mother into fulltime care. He rolled up the sleeves on his shirt and showed me the track marks. I didn't want Hotch and Emily to be right about his drug habit, but there is was in stark reality, and I couldn't turn me eyes away.

He looked so miserable. He said that if I wanted to leave and not come back, it was alright. I told him that I wasn't going anywhere. He asked me to help him stop. He said he knew he should talk to a professional, but he didn't want to lose his job. I said I would help if he was willingly to do everything and that meant going through a horrible withdrawal period. I researched it on the internet and I know what would happen. He said he would. He kissed me for the first time in weeks and it felt so nice to be back in his arms again.

Of course work intruded, bringing back our greatest enemy to date. I got the call from Hotch to come to Gideon's apartment. An old friend named Sarah had come to visit him. She was dead on his bed, and slashed to pieces. We didn't know where Gideon was, or what had happened, till we started looking at the body. She had a missing rib and from the cuts the guys realized that Frank, the man that got away from them in Nevada, was back.

Hotch sent Garcia to stay with Gideon and help him go through his files on Frank. I went back to Quantico and looked through the crime scene photos. There was a book in one picture with writing and a page torn out. Hotch told me it was Gideon's murder book, a list of survivors he's saved. It was also a list of potential victims. We narrowed it down, but not fast enough to stop him from killing Rebecca Gardner. We saved her a year ago from her father, and now she's dead.

We found Jane and through her, Frank's mother Mary Breitkopf. She lived in Manhattan and we thought she was still alive. Gideon and Garcia worked together and discovered that Frank thinks of Jane as his mother. His mother was a prostitute and she turned tricks in front of him. I guess that's what screwed him up, or he was born that way, I guess we'll never really know.

He kidnapped Tracy Bell, the girl we saved in Texas last year. He used her to get us to bring Jane to meet him. He called Gideon and put Tracey on the phone just to torment him. Spence and I went to New York while the rest of the team went to the train station in DC to meet Frank. They took Jane to try and get the location of Tracey Bell from him.

When I was alone of the plane with Spencer he asked me to take point in the search. He said he wasn't confident to take the lead and he didn't want anyone to get hurt. I tried to argue, but he made me promise. So… when we got to the apartment I told him that no matter what happened we didn't separate again.

It was awful in there. Frank's mother was dead and had been dead for a long time. It looked like she was partially mummified and there were flowers all around her. Spence looked like he might be sick. The best thing was that Tracey was there. The poor kid was freaked out, but she was alive.

Frank and Jane ended up jumping in front of a speeding train which was horrific for the rest of the team. We called Gideon as soon as it was over and Tracey thanked him for saving her. I think he really needed to hear that and talk to her.

She's so cute and I couldn't help thinking for a minute what a child might look like for Spencer and me. Would she have blond hair or hazel eyes? Would she have his smile or my nose?

I know that things are going to be tough. Gideon is devastated. I saw Hotch going into Asst. Director Erin Strauss's office and he was in there for a very long time. Spencer still has to deal with getting off the Dilaudid. Maybe there won't be a happy ending for us, but maybe there will. Maybe all any of us can do is live the best that we can and only worry about what we can control.

The good news is that Spence and I are together. He's here with me and he's sleeping where I can keep an eye on him. This journal has come to its last page and I don't think I'm going to need to start another one soon. Life goes on and things always change. It's the people you love that are the most important thing.


End file.
